Fractured

. . .Whee~ I've been totally unfocused and sleeping odd hours for no apparent reason. Woke up at around 9:30am on Monday, went to class at 12:30, got home at around 1:40 and crashed onto my bed at around 2:00 or 2:30... ...just to wake up at 8:00pm. And then I uhh... played that chinese video game for a few hours (instead of cleaning my room), then wasted the hours away until around 5:30 or 6:00 when I decided to sleep again... waking up at 10:30. And so now I'm writing this instead of going to class (skipping again...whee...)
. . .So, dear friends, help me! If you see me online, and you KNOW I've been dallying for a while, give me a scowl and tell me to get back to work!
Currently, I've the following to do:
0. Make a weekly schedule to make the following easier to complete
1. Clean my room
2. make followup phone calls to places of employment
3. Some INTENSE studying for all my classes
4. TRANSLATION!!!! guhh....
5. Outstanding essays

Culture

. . .So I've been feeling a bit in the cultured mood this weekend. Got a reasonable amount of sleep, a nice break from Waterloo, and did some chinese calligraphy (with the brush), and also composed a few short poems, Tang-shi style. Only one am I particularly fond of though. The other three after my initial success seem to get progressively poor in quality... Granted, I wrote them during a state of unrest - at around 2:00am when I, for some reason, simply couldn't fall asleep. But yay! Writing's always fun to do. My mother's been kind enough to help look them over and point out anything that doesn't sound natural or doesn't flow eloquantly enough in the Chinese language. (Seeing as how I only know about 1800 characters, out of the minimum literacy level of 4500 characters, one might surmise that my poems would get awfully repetitive after a while...)
. . .But I guess this'll encourage me to learn more words. And stuff. Yes, Chinese is lotsa fun. Such a curious language too...

Survey~

Old School 90s survey. Bold the ones you remember, underline your personal favorites.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Secret World of Alex Mack
Nightmare Before Christmas
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies
Eureka's Castle
Salute Your Shorts
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Double Dare
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All
The Torklesons
The Adventures of Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
Goodburger
Angry Beavers
Sponge Bob
Hey Arnold!
AAH! Real Monsters
Tiny Toons
Animaniacs
Pinky and the Brain
The Babysitter's Club
Kablam!
Gullah Gullah Island
Richard Scarry
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears
A Little Princess
My Little Pony
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy!
Mousetrap
Jenga
Don't Break the Ice
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Cootie
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Polly Pocket
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite
Sky Dancers
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants
Jellies
Saddle Shoes
Barbies
Beanie Babies
Tamagotchis
Yo-Yos
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs
Goosebumps
Magic Attic Club
American Girl
Island of the Blue Dolphin
Saved By The Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy Meets World
Clueless
Simpsons
Flipper
Zoog Disney
Eerie Indiana
Third Rock From The Sun
Tracey Ullman Show
Ghostwriter
Growing Pains
Family Ties
Titanic
Felix The Cat: The Movie
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Home Improvement
Tom and Huck
My Brother and Me
Kenan and Kel
Hanson
Inspector Gadget
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Power Rangers
Hot Wheels
Creepy Crawlers
Easy Bake Oven
Flower Making Kits
Weinerville
Wild and Crazy Kids
Playdough McDonald's Sets
Animorphs
Rainbow Fish
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
Bailey School Kids
Wayside School
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Boxcar Kids
Ramona Quimby
Amber Brown
Roald Dahl
Allegra's Window
3-2-1 Contact
Wishbone
Doug
Old Yeller
The Wonder Years

River

. . .I'm drowning in the raging torrents of the river of time. Errr no, I'm not becoming senescent... Anywhoo, I wrote my first Chinese poem! Yay me! XD I posted it on my chinese blog; it's the thing with 7 characters per line; 4 lines in total... ...well, plus the title. But yah. Hope it makes sense. =)

Cuisine

. . .Nothing but rice and soy sauce (and water) for the last few days. It was suggested that I add some meat to my diet. What a laugh. As if I could afford meat. But it doesn't really matter, I guess, 'cuz I'm still alive, and will remain so. =)

Friend

. . .I hope to keep this a short post this time.
I once had a friend in highschool. Although we didn't see each other a lot, and although we were from polarly opposite social circles, we got along amiable. But then, we graduated, and though we promised to keep in touch, as all friends do, this one seems to be the only one I've managed to loose track of.
. . .I never really understood where exactly I stood with him. I wonder now if I were really his friend, or just a resource. I guess I'll never know. People do grow further apart from each other, huh. Well, wherever you are, I hope you're well.

BLARG!!!

. . .Just 10 more minutes.. If only I had 10 more minutes, I would have gotten a perfect on my midtern. But no, instead I get to lose about 20%. Grr... 80's normally would be good, but in this particular class, I expected to do much better. stupid x^5 == 11 mod 72...
. . .I tried solving it by using indices. But clearly, that doesn't come to fruition. And it was only right after I left the classroom that it hit me; to cube both sides, since phi(72)=24, then (x^5)^5 == 11^5 => x == 11^5 mod 72, and all that would be left would be to reduce 11^5 mod 72. Grr...
. . .So frustrated right now... ...in an academic sort of way. @_@ Incidentally, I just might be starting up a webcomic of sorts. Haven't thoroughly decided yet though. I mean, comics are sooo tedious. And I'm rather impatient. Hrrmm...

Quote

. . .Just a couple of quotes I thought would be fun to place side-by-side.
"It ends not with a bang but with a whimper."
"I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death."
. . .The latter I got from Alex's blog. ^_^ I likes! =D If only emoticons were possible in here... ah well. Midterm tomorrow. Time to seal up my emotions again...

Death

. . .I totally don't deserve to be here. Nevermind the christian rationale that we all don't deserve to be here because of sin, etc, but I personally don't deserve to be here in University. I feel like some commoner from the slums of Paris being brought into the Courts of Versailles. Sure I'm able to match wits with any of them, I possess the same sets of manners and etiquette, but I'll never get to attend their balls or functions because I simply don't have enough money. Dear readers already are aware of my destitution, so I shan't delve explicitly into my lack of funds. But to put things into perspective, I have $0.66 left on my student card with which to buy food on campus, and -$485.44 in my bank account, with technically $14.56 available funds remaining because of my $500 overdraft protection. Isn't life grand?
. . .I know I'm not the only one in the world who's suffering. There are countless others who have it far worse than I do. But despite the macroscopic view on life, I still sink deeper into the pit of despair. If it weren't for a certain special someone, I should by rights be dead right now. It pains me to know that that someone thinks of me as a user, and of course, I cannot help but use that person's resources for my continued survival.
. . .God, I'm such a cheap beggar. I read all these books about nobility, artistocrasy, all the grand events and lives of the people past and their elaborate systems of etiquette, tact and decorum. And what do I have to show for it? A cheap, dirty beggar. My illusions of erudition dispelled, I know not what else I can do. Except die, of course.
. . .That person doesn't even read my blog. Oh well. Nobody likes to read unhappy things anyways. Makes commenting all the more awkward, so I guess it's just as well. But in anycase, I *would* like to thank that certain someone for helping me survive. I know I'm annoying, imperfect, high-maintanence and impossible to put-up with at times, and I thank you for enduring all these faults of mine. Should God allow me to continue to live, I'll be sure to remember your kindness and return the gesture when I am able. However, as things stand right now...
. . .Death is indeed the easy way out. Why is it, then, that few of us can afford this luxury? And so, I continue to live in this half-state of awareness, fluttering between depression when I look at my life to delusion, the only release I have from these dark times and troubles.
. . .Am I a private person? Yes. Why then, am I publishing this post, for non-close friends and aquaintences to read? I suppose it's a subconcious, cheap cry for help. Not like it ever gets answered anyways. We've already successfully driven nobility to extinction and raised a new society in which only the ruthless are able to financially succeed.
. . .And unfortunately, this isn't kindergarden. I don't have the option of sitting out and refusing to play. And so, I slowly learn the rules and strategies of the game. I should think that in five or ten years I'll look back to this entry of depression and weep at my gross indulgence of emotion. I don't like being disillusioned. I like even less these days of destitution. I expect the unfolding events to convert me into a hardened man, with no dreams, aspirations or notion of charity. Perhaps whatever innocence remains will finally be slain. Afterall, what good is purity in this world?

Busy

. . .Full day today. From now 'til 11:00am, I'm to write that letter for my bursary application and clean my room. Then go to class, then check out some apartments for next term. If I have time left over, I guess more studying for Group theory, cuz I'm not doing that great. (I got 75% on the midterm; class average was 69.) T_T Must.. get... 90... average. Anyways. Meeting friend at 3:00 to study more Japanese, then clubs-related meeting at 4:30. Potential future housemate coming over to discuss which apartment we like better at arond 6:00, then I get to work on my translation for two hours. Now, if only I could stick to the plan... I gotta start making a study schedule for myself...

Pain

. . .Owww~!!! My right shoulder hurts. And it's not like I do sports or anything, so I have no idea how/why it's sore. I just woke up this morning, and *Oww!* sensation of pain around my upper-right torso.
. . .Yesss... aside from the reveling in my pain, which I'm sure at least one reader is guaranteed to do, I've a math midterm this afternoon, for which I'm hardly prepared. Thankfully I woke up reasonably early so I'll have a few hours to do some studying. Assuming I don't dwindle my time away online or sth.
. . .Finally, I'm supposed to phone Oxford Learning Centres today, as I submitted my résumé to them yesterday. They're currently re-assessing staff and seeing the number of staff they'd need for the number of students registered. Hopefully, I'll actually have employment here. Cuz yah, I really need money. I'll be distributing some more résumés today to several other places (some on campus jobs, some stores like Chapters, etc). If Alex "Dirty" Wang's blog is any indication, it doesn't hurt to apply to as many jobs as possible. ^_^
. . .At least I finished my other math assignment 9 days before it was due (finished it on the day it was assigned! Booya! XD). It's so sad how my preference for Elementary Number Theory over Intro. to Group Theory is painfully obvious... Ah well. I'm sure Group Theory is fascinating in its own right. Anyways. I should get to studying.

Request~

. . .For those who've been following my MSN nicks and pics, I'm sure some of you are wondering what in God's name is happening in my life right now. And while I'm not comfortable divulging all the gory little details online, I will say simply that I don't have a lot of money. So please, if it's within your habit, add my financial troubles to your prayer list. Or, ya know, donate a few dollars to the Save-Joseph-Tam-from-Absolute-Destitution Funds. Not that the two have to be mutually exclusive or anything... :P
. . .Gonna go drop off a few résumé's tomorrow, and also meet with OSAP/Bursary ppl. Hopefully, I'll get some much-deserved funds from the school. And I'm also applying to the Bank for a loan. So I guess pray that one of those three will go through and I'll get to live again. Cuz depending on a $500 overdraft limit isn't very fun, especially when bills are piling up... :(