. . .Woke up with a rather interesting dream, probably filled with a lot of the more prevalent emotions in my life. I was in school, in the caf, and I was really hungry, so I bought an extra lunch combo or something. Which ended with a total of $21.46 or something. Which was definitely more than I had for a school caf. lunch. Anyways, midway through my meal, I realize that I have to be upstairs (maybe 2 floors up) to take this test or something... Don't remember the course code or whatever. I wandered through the maze-like room, 'til I found a librarian who was able to explain some of the other stuff related to it. This prompts me to remember what the test was about -- the human heart (physical), so I gotta remember which one is the main artery and which is the jugular vein... or something. Suddenly I bumped into a guy-friend from HS (let's call him RCH for anymity). He leads me to where he is -- the room across from where I was. Apparently it's some sort of studio. (In real life he's worked as a model with quite some success.) But he wasn't shooting anything today; he was "working", which probably meant he was helping training newer people or something.
. . .We chat for a bit, then he asks what I'm up to. He definitely wants to get together. I tell him where I'll be for the next lil while as I want to meet up with him too. He says when he's finished there in the studio, he'll find me.
. . .Back in the heart-test room, I realize that it's around 4:15 now, and the place closes at 6:30, so I don't have a lot of time to study, especially since the last test session was held at 4:00, and I think the next one would be 4:30 or 5:00. But that's not really important, as long as I really learn the stuff. I suddenly realize that I didn't finish my lunch yet (or pay, even though I couldn't afford it), so I go back down to the caf, which now has reduced lighting. I try to find a well-lit area, and have just barely pulled out my books and written 2 lines when RCH approaches me out of nowhere.
. . .He looks really awkward, and sheepish, and he's blushing quite a bit (at this point, I think we're seeing things in cartoon now instead of real life). "Do you... ... wanna go skating with me...?" I'm swept with emotion, until I finally calm down to accept (thereby abandoning my books and still not paying for my lunch).
. . .Oddly, this dream ended up representing several things in my life. I'm not sure if seeing them or realising them is going to help me o'ercome them or anything, but at least I know what's going on.
Hungry - weight freight. I've been gaining quite some weight recently, and since I *know* it's not a result of exercise or healthy eating, I'm rather concerned to the point of paranoia. (my waist size has also gone up quite a bit. All of you who know me already know that I'm quite thin.)
$21.46 - poverty. Simply, I'm not rich. I'd like to be, but I'm not. There's no use pretending to have something that I don't, right? Unfortunately, money is a bit of a necessity in this world. (and the lack of it might also relate to the first issue addressed in my dream.)
Heart Test - school. My need to do well, and my unfortunately inclination to not study well all term. I.e. only cramming everything in the last few weeks.
RCH - RCH. He's someone very real and very alive (hopefully). He's someone who in a way has affected my life dramatically, but at the same time is no longer in my life. I wrote about him before, sorta, but not specifically. Basically, he was a tall, clean, fashionably dressed, charismatic Candian-born Asian, who somehow was able to befriend a HS me (we won't go into details of the old me). We were friends. At least, I think we were friends. It's so hard to tell when you're a guy and you don't ever think about these sorts of things.
In any case, we did stuff that mere acquaintences wouldn't do (which won't be specified here because it'd make it too easy to name RCH). Sorta kept in touch after HS, but communications were mostly one-sided. (I.e., I'd call, invariably end up leaving a message on his cell, then he'd maybe call back a week later.) And this was sorta o.k., since I knew he was really busy with school and work, and I was just a nerd at a nerd school who occassionally came back to the city on weekends. And this was fine. Until one weekend, after a tiresome greyhound ride back into Toronto, in which I decide to call up some friends to see if they're free to hang out for the weekend. But I'm tired, so my speech is filled with awkward phrasing.
"...and I was wondering if you wanted to get back together..."
I didn't realise it until seconds after I hung up. And being the tired (and therefore panicky) person that I was, I immediately call back and apologize for my weirdness, explaining that I was very tired and therefore my speech shouldn't be taken too seriously.
But anyways, the feelings of embarrassement and potential awkwardness were too much for me, and he never called anyways, so I guess that's one "friend" I'll never see again in my life. Which is kinda sad cuz he was one of the few people in the world I had an easier time talking to. But I guess life is like that sometimes -- one can't be expected to be able to stay in contact with all one's friends from childhood, right? But does that make it silly of one for wanting to try? Anyways...
Time - time. Or my obsession with time. I hate being late, and I hate it more when others are late. N. America seems to be one of the few areas in which time is still an approximation, despite being a collection of allegedly developed nations. The best example is Japan, where 8:17 really means 8:17. If the schedule says that the train leaves at 8:17, it doesn't mean 8:15, or 8:20, but 8:17. Which means if your watch isn't in sync with the rest of the nation, you're screwed. ...or comfortably early for everything. Yes, I know that it's all subjective anyways. But in the abstract sense that everything is subjective. The measure of time, the length of an inch, the weight of a pound. All things are arbitrary. But not knowing what your world looks like is more or less useless. Keeping an open mind is important, but there's also a practical aspect to living in a physical world. Which in a sense, is saying that all mathematicians are professionals at being in denial.
. . .Gosh, that was a needlessly long post. At least the reader was perhaps entertained by the thought processes that run rampantly through my brain.
2004/12/31
2004/12/18
Ice Crystals
. . .Prompted by the third snowflake-derived display pic I encountered among my contacts on MSN, I decided to cease my decade of delusion and go out there and find out why exactly there's that six-fold symmetry in snowflakes. Spent about an hour here, then checked out some other related links.
. . .It's really fascinating!! If I weren't in such a slump right now I'd almost be inspired to do something! Like write a poem, draw a picture, finish an essay... *looks around nervously* Anywhoo, now I really want to go visit this place, because it just seems really pretty!! And even more so in the winter! Maybe in a few years, if I ever win the Shizuoka contest...
. . .Which is just a harsh reminder of what exactly am I supposed to be doing... where am I going, what's my aim in life? How far have I fallen? Yarg... I hope I'm able to find my way to Toronto on Sunday... Cuz I definitely don't have the money.
. . .So much creative energy (or so I'm deluded into thinking), but I never seem to be able to complete everything. Potential is one thing, but actualization or completion is another. A courageous commencement commands a courtly conclusion. (bleh, alliteration is overrated.)
. . .Anyways, about midway into week 2 of my wayward sleeping habits. I should get some sleep.
. . .It's really fascinating!! If I weren't in such a slump right now I'd almost be inspired to do something! Like write a poem, draw a picture, finish an essay... *looks around nervously* Anywhoo, now I really want to go visit this place, because it just seems really pretty!! And even more so in the winter! Maybe in a few years, if I ever win the Shizuoka contest...
. . .Which is just a harsh reminder of what exactly am I supposed to be doing... where am I going, what's my aim in life? How far have I fallen? Yarg... I hope I'm able to find my way to Toronto on Sunday... Cuz I definitely don't have the money.
. . .So much creative energy (or so I'm deluded into thinking), but I never seem to be able to complete everything. Potential is one thing, but actualization or completion is another. A courageous commencement commands a courtly conclusion. (bleh, alliteration is overrated.)
. . .Anyways, about midway into week 2 of my wayward sleeping habits. I should get some sleep.
2004/12/13
Broken Bienséance
Sensitivity is a curse. Insensitivity is a curse.
. . .I've discovered that I find it difficult to get along with people who have little to no concept of manners or decorum. Nothing so rigid as formulaic conversations, but even just the basic greeting upon meeting face-to-face is something which I think is rather basic. People that I conveniently write off as being crude, obtuse, coarse, unrefined, brutish, etc. It's too easy for me to get offended by them, whether it's their barbaric gall to access my items without my permission, or the gaucherie required of them to physically touch me when it's clearly inappropriate and undesired.
. . .Hypocrites are also a sort of people I have difficulty with. Like a certain someone on a certain forum who's always ranting about the insolent and rebellious youth of today's society, tacitly implying that because of her(or his) antiquated sentiment for archaic diction that s/he is somehow more polite or proper, when her/his actual actions in verbally attacking others for their academic ignorance or youth are equally offensive. I don't get how people come off thinking they're better than someone else just because they've deluded themselves into thinking that posessing a certain form of etiquette.
. . .I mean, what's the entire purpose behind etiquette, decorum, tact? I've mentioned it before but I'll mention it again: too many people nowadays blindly follow archaic rules of conduct just because there were rules of conduct and they're archaic. But none of them actually actually pause to ponder the reasoning or rationale behind those rules. Frenzied fanatics who misguidedly attempt to live an ancient life in modern times.
. . .What was the purpose of it all, anyways? The real motivation should be to help make people feel welcome, not set up a social trap to accuse them of being uncivilized. Calling someone uncultured just because he doesn't dance to your music is hardly civil. False notions of superiority are clear signs that the person suffers from idiocy and tries to compensate by pushing others down.
. . .Having said that, I know that in the past I used to hold etiquette pretty highly. But I think I was mistaken. In fact, what I really wanted to say all this time is what I'm trying to say here. A good person isn't one who lives all those silly rules made up by drunk kings centuries ago. It's the person who has the care and sensitivity to accomodate others and try to make the other person feel as welcome as possible. Stiffly holding on to unnatural laws that hardly apply to the modern world will rarely make a person of a different culture feel welcome, especially when that other culture has no clear understanding of this foreign culture's extinct ways of life.
. . .I'm not saying that etiquette is a bad thing. I think it's good to investigate on how people in society might have approached different situations, but the important thing to always ask and understand is, why and how did it work in that society and era, and how would that translate in today's world with today's youth?
. . .I think that the truely uncultured people are not those who are unaware of older customs or of "higher-class" ways of life, but those who lack the sensitivity or observation to be able to see when someone is uncomfortable with an action, a touch or a word. After all, we are of the civilized world, no? Fine, then we shall live a civilized life. Barbarous oppositions, arguements, offences and insults have proven time and time again to be ineffective in winning someone over. You may prove your point, but you may be sure that they won't be eager to befriend you afterwards. A beautiful mind isn't just one that has a high intellectual capacity, but rather one that is able to get along with others without being condescending.
. . .So in short, I've said that it's wrong to insult people, and in doing so I've insulted people. Brilliant, I know. I wonder how many of you actually follow what I'm trying to say here; I've been feeling woozy for the past few hours. @_@ Are my words still coherent and cohesive?
. . .I've discovered that I find it difficult to get along with people who have little to no concept of manners or decorum. Nothing so rigid as formulaic conversations, but even just the basic greeting upon meeting face-to-face is something which I think is rather basic. People that I conveniently write off as being crude, obtuse, coarse, unrefined, brutish, etc. It's too easy for me to get offended by them, whether it's their barbaric gall to access my items without my permission, or the gaucherie required of them to physically touch me when it's clearly inappropriate and undesired.
. . .Hypocrites are also a sort of people I have difficulty with. Like a certain someone on a certain forum who's always ranting about the insolent and rebellious youth of today's society, tacitly implying that because of her(or his) antiquated sentiment for archaic diction that s/he is somehow more polite or proper, when her/his actual actions in verbally attacking others for their academic ignorance or youth are equally offensive. I don't get how people come off thinking they're better than someone else just because they've deluded themselves into thinking that posessing a certain form of etiquette.
. . .I mean, what's the entire purpose behind etiquette, decorum, tact? I've mentioned it before but I'll mention it again: too many people nowadays blindly follow archaic rules of conduct just because there were rules of conduct and they're archaic. But none of them actually actually pause to ponder the reasoning or rationale behind those rules. Frenzied fanatics who misguidedly attempt to live an ancient life in modern times.
. . .What was the purpose of it all, anyways? The real motivation should be to help make people feel welcome, not set up a social trap to accuse them of being uncivilized. Calling someone uncultured just because he doesn't dance to your music is hardly civil. False notions of superiority are clear signs that the person suffers from idiocy and tries to compensate by pushing others down.
. . .Having said that, I know that in the past I used to hold etiquette pretty highly. But I think I was mistaken. In fact, what I really wanted to say all this time is what I'm trying to say here. A good person isn't one who lives all those silly rules made up by drunk kings centuries ago. It's the person who has the care and sensitivity to accomodate others and try to make the other person feel as welcome as possible. Stiffly holding on to unnatural laws that hardly apply to the modern world will rarely make a person of a different culture feel welcome, especially when that other culture has no clear understanding of this foreign culture's extinct ways of life.
. . .I'm not saying that etiquette is a bad thing. I think it's good to investigate on how people in society might have approached different situations, but the important thing to always ask and understand is, why and how did it work in that society and era, and how would that translate in today's world with today's youth?
. . .I think that the truely uncultured people are not those who are unaware of older customs or of "higher-class" ways of life, but those who lack the sensitivity or observation to be able to see when someone is uncomfortable with an action, a touch or a word. After all, we are of the civilized world, no? Fine, then we shall live a civilized life. Barbarous oppositions, arguements, offences and insults have proven time and time again to be ineffective in winning someone over. You may prove your point, but you may be sure that they won't be eager to befriend you afterwards. A beautiful mind isn't just one that has a high intellectual capacity, but rather one that is able to get along with others without being condescending.
. . .So in short, I've said that it's wrong to insult people, and in doing so I've insulted people. Brilliant, I know. I wonder how many of you actually follow what I'm trying to say here; I've been feeling woozy for the past few hours. @_@ Are my words still coherent and cohesive?
2004/12/12
Insane Insomniac
. . .So at 3:30am, when I "normally" sleep, I decide to fix myself a small snack. No biggie. But then I decide that I need some reading material to accompany this light snack. As in the second of three novels I purchased almost a year ago but never got around to reading. Almost 4 hours later, here I am, eating breakfast. I'm so smart. S-M-R-T. Definitely.
. . .As was sliiiiiightly hinted in my previous post (and in any case what might be noticible given the dates of my dA submissions), I've pretty much been doing art for the past week. Which oddly has me happy. Emotionally. Unfortunately, it's not really aiding me in the academic front. And I'm so tired right now I can see me ruing myself for writing this at all. It all seems so non-linear. But anyways. Lotsa art. yey. And in typical Joseph fashion, I end up hating almost everything about the work after I post it online. I guess that's a lesson to me to work harder.
. . .Meanwhile, for those interested (I certainly am) in the upcoming, year-late DVD movie FF7:AC (Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children), check out the new third trailer they posted on their site: http://www.square-enix.co.jp/dvd/ff7ac For those of you who don't understand Japanese, just look at the pretty pictures. And for those of you who're students of Japanese, let's see how much you've really learned from the classroom. ;)
. . .Alrighties then. Time for me to go beddie-bye. (Did I just make that up, or am I misusing/misspelling another phrase?) Anywhoo... I need to sleep to keep my immune system up.
. . .As was sliiiiiightly hinted in my previous post (and in any case what might be noticible given the dates of my dA submissions), I've pretty much been doing art for the past week. Which oddly has me happy. Emotionally. Unfortunately, it's not really aiding me in the academic front. And I'm so tired right now I can see me ruing myself for writing this at all. It all seems so non-linear. But anyways. Lotsa art. yey. And in typical Joseph fashion, I end up hating almost everything about the work after I post it online. I guess that's a lesson to me to work harder.
. . .Meanwhile, for those interested (I certainly am) in the upcoming, year-late DVD movie FF7:AC (Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children), check out the new third trailer they posted on their site: http://www.square-enix.co.jp/dvd/ff7ac For those of you who don't understand Japanese, just look at the pretty pictures. And for those of you who're students of Japanese, let's see how much you've really learned from the classroom. ;)
. . .Alrighties then. Time for me to go beddie-bye. (Did I just make that up, or am I misusing/misspelling another phrase?) Anywhoo... I need to sleep to keep my immune system up.
2004/12/08
Art
New pics posted on my dA site. Go check 'em out. http://shadow-paladin.deviantart.com
The styles are vaguely different though. :P
Meanwhile... As for my personal life... ... ... ... no comment. The sooner I'm finished, the sooner I'm out of here. And then boldly shall I brave into the faceless, heartless world of men. Lots to look forward to, huh...
The styles are vaguely different though. :P
Meanwhile... As for my personal life... ... ... ... no comment. The sooner I'm finished, the sooner I'm out of here. And then boldly shall I brave into the faceless, heartless world of men. Lots to look forward to, huh...
2004/12/02
Ecclesiastes
Meaningless! Meaningless!
Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.
What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
The wise man has eyes in his head, while the fool walks in the darkness;
but ... realize that the same fate overtakes them both.
"The fate of the fool will overtake me also. What then do I gain by being wise?"
"Like the fool, the wise man too must die!"
Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.
What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
The wise man has eyes in his head, while the fool walks in the darkness;
but ... realize that the same fate overtakes them both.
"The fate of the fool will overtake me also. What then do I gain by being wise?"
"Like the fool, the wise man too must die!"
2004/11/29
Imperfect
[Delete]
Angry rant deleted. Now you'll never know what I might have said about you. :)
Depressed? Don't be silly; I'd need a reason for that. And human stupidity is hardly a reason.
Angry rant deleted. Now you'll never know what I might have said about you. :)
Depressed? Don't be silly; I'd need a reason for that. And human stupidity is hardly a reason.
2004/11/23
Fractal Onions
Layer 01
[English] Name: Joseph Tam
Birthday: April 3
Birthplace: Toronto
Current Location: University of Waterloo
Eye Colour: Dark Brown
Hair Colour: Darker Brown
Height: 5'8~5'11. I forget.
R/L Dexterity: Left-handed
Zodiac Sign: Greek Aries; Chinese Boar
Layer 02
Heritage: Chinese
Shoes: White
Weaknesses: beauty
Fears: time
Perfect Pizza: non-existent
Goal: Master 12 languages to the extent of my English, if not more.
Layer 03
Overused phrase on AIM: I'm sure I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
First thoughts waking up: Curséd sun's up...
Best physical feature: used to be my hair... ...
Bedtime: variable
Most missed memory: n/a
Layer 04
smoke: no
cuss: usually not
sing: not often enough
daily shower: sure
have a crush: no
post-2ndary ed: @ UW
highschool: liked it more than UW
marriage: maybe sometime in the future
self-belief: rather God than me
motion sickness: depends on how sick I'm feeling
attractive: I'd like to, but...
health-freak: not really
parents: alive and well
thunderstorms: God's sky show
musical instrument: piano; forgot the violin
Layer 05
In the past month...
drank alcohol: No
smoked: No
drugs: No
sex: No
made out: No
dated: No
mall: No
whole box of oreos: No
sushi: No
on stage: No
dumped: No
skated: No
(where's Layer 06?)
Layer 07
ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing: No
if so, was it mixed company : --
been caught "doing something" : father caught me on the playstation at 3:00am one time on a schoolnight...
been called a tease: not really
gotten beaten up: long, long ago
shoplifted: candy when I was 8
changed who you were to fit in: is that the same thing as "became easier to get along with"?
Layer 08
age you hope to be married: 24-30
numbers and names of children: 1-3; naming should be a joint process between the parentS.
how do you want to die: quick and painless, of old age, or young and tragically. ...though I think I'd prefer the first two.
where do you want to go to college: not UW anymore.
what do you want to be when you grow up: linguist, author, professor, something.
Layer 09
in a guy/girl, best...
eye colour: anything lighter than dark brown. (green, blue, red, hazel, etc)
hair colour: sun-bleached white! Urrmm... anything, really
short or long hair: long
height: 3-6 inches shorter than me
weight: lighter than me
clothing: tasteful and with some reservation
1st date location: somewhere well-lit and public that can still afford privacy
1st kiss location: doorstep of girl's home? in a clean alley? in a park at night?
Layer 10
Number of...
drugs taken: 0
ppl I'd trust my life to: 0
CD's owned: 8-15
DVD's owned: 3-8
piercings: 0
tattoos: 0
scars: 2-5
Extras
favourite colour: mint green
favourite animal: kirin/qi-ling of East Asian mythology
favourite bf/gf: n/A
favourite subject: linguistics
favourite food: n/A
what're you doing now: procrastinating. Soon to start editing translations
listening to: various BGM's
single/couple life: single life made bearable by certain dear friends. =)
[English] Name: Joseph Tam
Birthday: April 3
Birthplace: Toronto
Current Location: University of Waterloo
Eye Colour: Dark Brown
Hair Colour: Darker Brown
Height: 5'8~5'11. I forget.
R/L Dexterity: Left-handed
Zodiac Sign: Greek Aries; Chinese Boar
Layer 02
Heritage: Chinese
Shoes: White
Weaknesses: beauty
Fears: time
Perfect Pizza: non-existent
Goal: Master 12 languages to the extent of my English, if not more.
Layer 03
Overused phrase on AIM: I'm sure I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
First thoughts waking up: Curséd sun's up...
Best physical feature: used to be my hair... ...
Bedtime: variable
Most missed memory: n/a
Layer 04
smoke: no
cuss: usually not
sing: not often enough
daily shower: sure
have a crush: no
post-2ndary ed: @ UW
highschool: liked it more than UW
marriage: maybe sometime in the future
self-belief: rather God than me
motion sickness: depends on how sick I'm feeling
attractive: I'd like to, but...
health-freak: not really
parents: alive and well
thunderstorms: God's sky show
musical instrument: piano; forgot the violin
Layer 05
In the past month...
drank alcohol: No
smoked: No
drugs: No
sex: No
made out: No
dated: No
mall: No
whole box of oreos: No
sushi: No
on stage: No
dumped: No
skated: No
(where's Layer 06?)
Layer 07
ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing: No
if so, was it mixed company : --
been caught "doing something" : father caught me on the playstation at 3:00am one time on a schoolnight...
been called a tease: not really
gotten beaten up: long, long ago
shoplifted: candy when I was 8
changed who you were to fit in: is that the same thing as "became easier to get along with"?
Layer 08
age you hope to be married: 24-30
numbers and names of children: 1-3; naming should be a joint process between the parentS.
how do you want to die: quick and painless, of old age, or young and tragically. ...though I think I'd prefer the first two.
where do you want to go to college: not UW anymore.
what do you want to be when you grow up: linguist, author, professor, something.
Layer 09
in a guy/girl, best...
eye colour: anything lighter than dark brown. (green, blue, red, hazel, etc)
hair colour: sun-bleached white! Urrmm... anything, really
short or long hair: long
height: 3-6 inches shorter than me
weight: lighter than me
clothing: tasteful and with some reservation
1st date location: somewhere well-lit and public that can still afford privacy
1st kiss location: doorstep of girl's home? in a clean alley? in a park at night?
Layer 10
Number of...
drugs taken: 0
ppl I'd trust my life to: 0
CD's owned: 8-15
DVD's owned: 3-8
piercings: 0
tattoos: 0
scars: 2-5
Extras
favourite colour: mint green
favourite animal: kirin/qi-ling of East Asian mythology
favourite bf/gf: n/A
favourite subject: linguistics
favourite food: n/A
what're you doing now: procrastinating. Soon to start editing translations
listening to: various BGM's
single/couple life: single life made bearable by certain dear friends. =)
Translation Lost
. . .Translation deadline in less than 3 weeks! Mailtime to Japan about a week. Must finish, polish and perfect my translation of the short story and literary criticism in less than two weeks!
Preliminary cruddy translation of short story: done.
Preliminary curddy translation of lit. crit.: 1/5 done.
Probability of winning translation competition: 0%
Motivation: 100%
Morale: 0%
Preliminary cruddy translation of short story: done.
Preliminary curddy translation of lit. crit.: 1/5 done.
Probability of winning translation competition: 0%
Motivation: 100%
Morale: 0%
2004/11/13
Intrusion
. . .Almost as bad as having somebody read one's diary. Roommate forgot to turn off his radio alarm thingy (complete with subwoofer). To be fair, I was supposed to be home this weekend anyways, but I swear, 15 minutes of exposure to that -- I'm not sure how many years of hearing I just lost.
. . .Not even going to comment on the genre. Anyways... I remember dreaming it; hearing the singing and noticing that the actual music (I was seeing the sheet music at the same time) was repeated chords while the vocal was going up and down (in actual melody). And you know how sound carries through walls... ...especially walls of horribly built apartments like these...
. . .And I went to bed late too! Dammit... grouchily up at 7:15am on a saturday... ...and I'm SURE I've already lost some hearing... ...definitely some ringing in my ears. I don't even know why it's legal to sell subwoofers to the general public (who incidentally seem unaware that too much exposure to bass is actually damaging to one's hearing). Though I guess it's almost like selling knives; the user isn't *expected* to kill oneself. Though I don't think many people have any idea what an acceptable level of bass is... Oh well. At least we won't need to be able to hear when we die, right?
. . .Not even going to comment on the genre. Anyways... I remember dreaming it; hearing the singing and noticing that the actual music (I was seeing the sheet music at the same time) was repeated chords while the vocal was going up and down (in actual melody). And you know how sound carries through walls... ...especially walls of horribly built apartments like these...
. . .And I went to bed late too! Dammit... grouchily up at 7:15am on a saturday... ...and I'm SURE I've already lost some hearing... ...definitely some ringing in my ears. I don't even know why it's legal to sell subwoofers to the general public (who incidentally seem unaware that too much exposure to bass is actually damaging to one's hearing). Though I guess it's almost like selling knives; the user isn't *expected* to kill oneself. Though I don't think many people have any idea what an acceptable level of bass is... Oh well. At least we won't need to be able to hear when we die, right?
2004/11/11
Deliver
. . .I think my wish came true; I really have become physically weak. I don't think I honestly *did* OD on the painkillers that the walk-in doctor prescribed for me, but they might have reacted with the sauce that I consumed at a friend's house (the kind that goes with those mexican-themed cracker type things..tortilla's or sth.) Either that or I was in front of the TV for too long; being in university, I haven't really watched TV, and since my computer moniter is an LCD, I think my eyes have now a reduced tolerance for the gamma radiation from those electron guns that power the TV. Or it could be some other sort of divine punishment for not being my most cordial and polite self that I could have been with the friend (who incidentally was kind enough to walk me to my room to make sure I didn't bowl over and die or sth).
. . .In any case, I became deathly pale (according to my friend), and I was immediately sent home, where I vomited just outside the front entrance, to go to bed for 13 hours. It would appear I have no stomach for food, and I can't stare at the computer screen for very long. I can't sit up, stand up or walk without getting dizzy, and the only solace that I could possibly find is sleeping, which is also marred because of the sunlight which streams through my window.
. . .I honestly thought I would have died last night, as I slipped away from conciousness. Thankfully, that hasn't happened yet, but today I was also supposed to have an appointment with councilling services to discuss some other crappery that's totally not getting resolved right now. Meanwhile, this makes alost 2 full weeks of school that I've missed.
. . .Oop. I've reached my limit. Time to lie down...
. . .In any case, I became deathly pale (according to my friend), and I was immediately sent home, where I vomited just outside the front entrance, to go to bed for 13 hours. It would appear I have no stomach for food, and I can't stare at the computer screen for very long. I can't sit up, stand up or walk without getting dizzy, and the only solace that I could possibly find is sleeping, which is also marred because of the sunlight which streams through my window.
. . .I honestly thought I would have died last night, as I slipped away from conciousness. Thankfully, that hasn't happened yet, but today I was also supposed to have an appointment with councilling services to discuss some other crappery that's totally not getting resolved right now. Meanwhile, this makes alost 2 full weeks of school that I've missed.
. . .Oop. I've reached my limit. Time to lie down...
2004/11/05
Adrift
. . .Originally (a few days ago) I was gonna blog about all the things that bugged me about certain people... ...until I realized that hate is an ugly thing. My very disapproval of certain aspects of people make me detestable. Once having realized that, I sat down and really thought about lots of stuff. If I don't get along with somebody, should I just ignore them, or treat them as I would a friend even though I know they'll be rude and offensive?
. . .So tired... ...so tired in general... I just want to get away from it all. I long to ride the tides of fate and find a safe-haven from the chaos that is this world. Too bad the world is so small... can't really get secluded enough.
. . .Why aren't we given the choice to disappear if we so choose? Why does there have to be governments controlling the masses? Isn't God enough? But of course, there are people who don't approve. But what of the olden days when one had the option of forging a home in the middle of the woods? Can't really disappear from civilization nowaways as one once could 300 years ago.
. . .Some say that the world is improving, but I think they're just blind. Or stupid. Or just refusing to see the more important issues at hand. Starving oneself for a month just to buy a pretty piece of cloth is just lunacy. Life should be about living, not material possessions. Why is it so easy for humans to just believe what they can only see?
. . .Blah.... I'm gonna go get some more rest... my leg isn't healing fast enough... (nothing broken, but I can't bend my right-leg anymore... ...and it was bleeding beautifully last night.) If only I could have captured the essence of the shock and turmoil that I felt at the time on paper... Oh well... time for me to lose myself in a ficticious world... Books have always been my friends. =)
. . .So tired... ...so tired in general... I just want to get away from it all. I long to ride the tides of fate and find a safe-haven from the chaos that is this world. Too bad the world is so small... can't really get secluded enough.
. . .Why aren't we given the choice to disappear if we so choose? Why does there have to be governments controlling the masses? Isn't God enough? But of course, there are people who don't approve. But what of the olden days when one had the option of forging a home in the middle of the woods? Can't really disappear from civilization nowaways as one once could 300 years ago.
. . .Some say that the world is improving, but I think they're just blind. Or stupid. Or just refusing to see the more important issues at hand. Starving oneself for a month just to buy a pretty piece of cloth is just lunacy. Life should be about living, not material possessions. Why is it so easy for humans to just believe what they can only see?
. . .Blah.... I'm gonna go get some more rest... my leg isn't healing fast enough... (nothing broken, but I can't bend my right-leg anymore... ...and it was bleeding beautifully last night.) If only I could have captured the essence of the shock and turmoil that I felt at the time on paper... Oh well... time for me to lose myself in a ficticious world... Books have always been my friends. =)
2004/10/18
Late Beginnings
. . .I think this term is perhaps the first term in which I'm partially starting to live as a normal student should; with absolutely no free time to spare, devoting all one's hours of conciousness to academic exploration and production (i.e. studying and completing assignments).
. . .Oh well... Waterloo is still not gonna stop me from art or music. Hopefully... I'm way behind schedule with a certain CG project I was working on (that in all practicality should have been done entirely in Illustrator, but for some perverse reason I decided to rasterize the vector outlines and colour it in Photoshop).
. . .So maybe I'll finish that tonight... ...or prepare for my German midterm... choices, choices...
. . .Oh well... Waterloo is still not gonna stop me from art or music. Hopefully... I'm way behind schedule with a certain CG project I was working on (that in all practicality should have been done entirely in Illustrator, but for some perverse reason I decided to rasterize the vector outlines and colour it in Photoshop).
. . .So maybe I'll finish that tonight... ...or prepare for my German midterm... choices, choices...
2004/10/17
Earth's Perdition
. . .The demon's beautiful human mask begins to crack. Slowly, bit by bit, the once beautiful form is creased with the jagged rage and maliciousness of the demon. Flecks of paint flake off as claws and horns reassert their form. Shadows deform once-beautiful clothes. But such is the way of the world. That which was not pure is condemned to remain impure.
. . .Or is it a demon who's corrupting a once-beautiful human? Voices of the dark constantly whispering lies like lullabies into those ivory ears of innocence. Evil cannot contain itself and spreads furiously outwards, never knowing mercy. But such is the way of the world. That which was pure is condemned to become impure.
. . .Spirits without wings have no way to fly; forever falling.
. . .Or is it a demon who's corrupting a once-beautiful human? Voices of the dark constantly whispering lies like lullabies into those ivory ears of innocence. Evil cannot contain itself and spreads furiously outwards, never knowing mercy. But such is the way of the world. That which was pure is condemned to become impure.
. . .Spirits without wings have no way to fly; forever falling.
Unbalanced
. . .So I woke up today at 3:00am, after going to bed near 11:00~11:30pm. Or it might have been midnight. Anyways, I woke up at 3:00am, to an awful combination of the freezing air that permeates my room and a tummy ache which resulted in several trips to the you-know-where. I won't go into details, but let's just say that when you first wake up, some of your systems aren't exactly running at full gear.
. . .I think part of the reason why I had such a strange stomache-ache was because of my irregular eating habits. For example, I think I ate absolutely nothing all of Friday. ...Until my friend fed me. And then on Saturday (yesterday) I practically ate entire loaf of bread (20 slices; 10 sandwiches). I'll have to go shopping for more margerine.
. . .So now that I was up and awake, what was I to do? In the first hour, I did practically nothing. Sifted through my computer files, freeing up some more space (deleting error-ridden games, old .avi files that won't be rewatched, etc). But all this was after I wrote a poem. =D Written yet again in Tang-Dynasty fashion. Why? 'Cause that has a structure I can follow. My Chinese isn't good enough for free-verse. I don't even remember what I titled it. "Sanguine Sapling"? "Crimson Gold Leaves"? It's definitely not a final product, so I guess it's still up for changes. I can't seem to view my own posts when I go to my Chinese blog, but maybe it's just because of my funky computer and it's evil internet settings which have forever altered my interet experiences. (Sooo bitter against pop-ups now.)
. . .And now, three hours later, I still haven't really accomplished anything. Maybe I *should* sleep, 'cause clearly, my mind isn't exactly running at a very fast rate. ...And my room is freezing again. My tea has turned cold. I guess it's time to boil some more water...
. . .I think part of the reason why I had such a strange stomache-ache was because of my irregular eating habits. For example, I think I ate absolutely nothing all of Friday. ...Until my friend fed me. And then on Saturday (yesterday) I practically ate entire loaf of bread (20 slices; 10 sandwiches). I'll have to go shopping for more margerine.
. . .So now that I was up and awake, what was I to do? In the first hour, I did practically nothing. Sifted through my computer files, freeing up some more space (deleting error-ridden games, old .avi files that won't be rewatched, etc). But all this was after I wrote a poem. =D Written yet again in Tang-Dynasty fashion. Why? 'Cause that has a structure I can follow. My Chinese isn't good enough for free-verse. I don't even remember what I titled it. "Sanguine Sapling"? "Crimson Gold Leaves"? It's definitely not a final product, so I guess it's still up for changes. I can't seem to view my own posts when I go to my Chinese blog, but maybe it's just because of my funky computer and it's evil internet settings which have forever altered my interet experiences. (Sooo bitter against pop-ups now.)
. . .And now, three hours later, I still haven't really accomplished anything. Maybe I *should* sleep, 'cause clearly, my mind isn't exactly running at a very fast rate. ...And my room is freezing again. My tea has turned cold. I guess it's time to boil some more water...
2004/10/13
the Lark
. . ....And not the Nightengale. (Let's see how many of you will get the nightengale/lark reference.) Woke up even earlier than usual at 7:00am. All thanks to the wonderful sounds of my rooommate showering... (well, just the faucet really, but still.) A blessing in disguise? Maybe I'll get to cram the rest of my Hebrew into my brain. These few weeks have been very busy. To be sure, this entire term is going to be very busy. With German, Japanese, Hebrew and the translation competition (of which I have nigh no time left), I still have to worry about OSAP and other delightful finances.
. . .Luckily, I received my OSAP form yesterday morning as of 11:15am, so it'll get processed on Thursday, and hopefully the money'll be in my bank account by next Tuesday. Guh, I hate thinking like that. But thankfully, a certain butterfly decided to spread her wings and flutter before me, lending me a strength I couldn't find elsewhere. (well, I could, but nby else really bothered to 'lend me strength'...)
. . .I'm behind schedule in everything!! Ahh!! I swear, I waste all the time I have at home; I should live on campus or sth. But at the same time, without hte comforts of my multilingual-support PC, it's very hard for me to do work/research for Japanese/Chinese. If only I had a laptop in my office or sth. (I'm planning on moving a small TV and my PSX to my office... dunno how smart that is, but it'll certainly keep me entertained.)
. . .Meanwhile, I've already spent a good 10 minutes or so just writing this blog, so back to Hebrew I go...
. . .Luckily, I received my OSAP form yesterday morning as of 11:15am, so it'll get processed on Thursday, and hopefully the money'll be in my bank account by next Tuesday. Guh, I hate thinking like that. But thankfully, a certain butterfly decided to spread her wings and flutter before me, lending me a strength I couldn't find elsewhere. (well, I could, but nby else really bothered to 'lend me strength'...)
. . .I'm behind schedule in everything!! Ahh!! I swear, I waste all the time I have at home; I should live on campus or sth. But at the same time, without hte comforts of my multilingual-support PC, it's very hard for me to do work/research for Japanese/Chinese. If only I had a laptop in my office or sth. (I'm planning on moving a small TV and my PSX to my office... dunno how smart that is, but it'll certainly keep me entertained.)
. . .Meanwhile, I've already spent a good 10 minutes or so just writing this blog, so back to Hebrew I go...
2004/10/05
Politician
. . .I honestly feel like a politician or sth, cuz I'm definitely running around and money is being spent, but nothing's really getting done... Thank goodness I finally got an office on campus; at least I'll have a place to crash between classes and hopefully get some work done!
. . .Aside from that, I'm falling behind in everything, which is never a good feeling. So after I buy a few textbooks, I'll have to work really hard one weekend and get things caught up.
. . .Oh yah... today in KonJa's language exchange, what started off as a lesson on how to respond in various restaurant scenarios led into a linguistic debate (mainly headed by me) because sby decided to write down the English translations of these interesting Japanese phrases. Me, being raised by such notions as polite society and gentlefolk, was somewhat shocked and offended at seeing the employment of the f-word, but what was more disturbing was to see that the line read "There's a f***ing hair in my soup", when (IMHO) it should have been "... f***en ..."
. . .And here are my reasons: ~ing can only apply to a verb, no matter what part of speech it becomes. And it's clearly not a gerund since it's modifying the noun "hair". Therefore, it must be a progressive participle. Which would also mean that we're using the meaning of the verb to modify the quality of the noun "hair". (As can be seen in the phrase "flying saucer", since the saucer has some element of "fly" i.e. it is flying, or can fly.) But the verb "to f***" usually denotes some sort of sexual intercourse, which the hair is totally not executing.
. . .Less salient meanings of the verb "to f***" perhaps still derive peripherally from it's more obvious example, i.e. "to screw", "to screw up", "to muck with", "to mess up", etc. However, if we were to replace f***ing with any of the others (such as screwing, screwed-up, mucking, mucked-up, messing, messed-up, etc) it somehow doesn't translate in quite the same way.
. . .Therefore, the f-word in this sentence is used only as a vular, crude, rude adjective to denote displeasure and dissatisfaction. Thus, like other adjectives such as "elfen", in this case it should read as "there's a f***en hair in my soup".
. . .Aside from that, I'm falling behind in everything, which is never a good feeling. So after I buy a few textbooks, I'll have to work really hard one weekend and get things caught up.
. . .Oh yah... today in KonJa's language exchange, what started off as a lesson on how to respond in various restaurant scenarios led into a linguistic debate (mainly headed by me) because sby decided to write down the English translations of these interesting Japanese phrases. Me, being raised by such notions as polite society and gentlefolk, was somewhat shocked and offended at seeing the employment of the f-word, but what was more disturbing was to see that the line read "There's a f***ing hair in my soup", when (IMHO) it should have been "... f***en ..."
. . .And here are my reasons: ~ing can only apply to a verb, no matter what part of speech it becomes. And it's clearly not a gerund since it's modifying the noun "hair". Therefore, it must be a progressive participle. Which would also mean that we're using the meaning of the verb to modify the quality of the noun "hair". (As can be seen in the phrase "flying saucer", since the saucer has some element of "fly" i.e. it is flying, or can fly.) But the verb "to f***" usually denotes some sort of sexual intercourse, which the hair is totally not executing.
. . .Less salient meanings of the verb "to f***" perhaps still derive peripherally from it's more obvious example, i.e. "to screw", "to screw up", "to muck with", "to mess up", etc. However, if we were to replace f***ing with any of the others (such as screwing, screwed-up, mucking, mucked-up, messing, messed-up, etc) it somehow doesn't translate in quite the same way.
. . .Therefore, the f-word in this sentence is used only as a vular, crude, rude adjective to denote displeasure and dissatisfaction. Thus, like other adjectives such as "elfen", in this case it should read as "there's a f***en hair in my soup".
2004/09/28
Epiphany
. . .A while ago, at the recommendation of a friend, I sauntered over to 1and1.com and got myself a domain. But what did I do with it? Absolutely nothing. Some time later, I decided to choose some fruity default template just so *something* would be there, but I still had no idea what I would do with it.
. . .In the past, I would splash whatever I felt onto my site (www.geocities.com/Tabris_113 being a good example). But when I came to design the table of contents, I was forced to ask myself which headings I wished to keep and which I wished to discard. Were there any other headings I would like to add? What was the purpose of my site? Personal recreation, I suppose. Art without limits, I suppose one could say. Except that my personality in itself is severely limited, so maybe my art will never really be thought-provoking. Of course, that brings the second question of whether what I produce can really be called "art", but that's something I definitely don't want to get into here.
. . .I wanted to make a site for myself, but moreover, I thought I would want a site that my friends would enjoy and want to frequent. So I'd make it a blog? A sketchbook diary? Should I start a webcomic? Various thoughts and possibilities floated around in my head.
. . .As a certain frightfully intelligent friend of mine once pointed out, people who've known me for a short amount of time will know me as an artistic individual, whether it be in the visual arts, music or language. And some people who've known me a bit better or longer will also tend to remark that I also have some skill (I dare not say "talent" in a place like UW) in the logical/analytical academics such as math and chemistry.
. . .I love talking with this friend if only because of her keen perception and sharp wit. But what she said really made me think. (Well, not that I didn't know these two facts about myself before, but it just made me rethink something in a new way.) At the core, I'm an analytical person. Friends of mine will find that I often pay attention to unnecessary things, or that I over-think certain situations or episodes of the past/present. At the same time, I have this love for art. I like drawing, I enjoy using colour and I really love making something that'll make ppl go "wow!" Of course, when those people are only your friends, ya gotta wonder if your art is really all that, or if they're just being nice.
. . .Art being something that I've done all my life, it's a wonder why I first went into math for post-secondary education. Oh well. But in any case, while I'm not yet ready to unveil my lil corner on the web, I have decided that this personal site will be for my artistic scribbles, whether in literary or visual form. Of course, there's still the small complications of acquiring a scanner...
. . .So that's my little self-realization for my internet usage. I'm going to make an artsy-fartsy website stuffed with my conceptions. Yay! But html seems to be growing out-of-fashion... Which means I'll soon have to learn how to use flash. Hrmm... Maybe when I'm doing my Masters. ^_^
*edit* (8:05am)
. . .And if anyone is wondering why this post is up so late/early, it's cuz I took a looooong afternoon nap, and ended up waking up at 9:15pm... Later to make and eat dinner at around 1:00am. So I didn't sleep until around 4:00am. I should be normalized again now... semi-big day today. Hey, Garnett Crow is good... haven't listened to them in a while... :3
. . .In the past, I would splash whatever I felt onto my site (www.geocities.com/Tabris_113 being a good example). But when I came to design the table of contents, I was forced to ask myself which headings I wished to keep and which I wished to discard. Were there any other headings I would like to add? What was the purpose of my site? Personal recreation, I suppose. Art without limits, I suppose one could say. Except that my personality in itself is severely limited, so maybe my art will never really be thought-provoking. Of course, that brings the second question of whether what I produce can really be called "art", but that's something I definitely don't want to get into here.
. . .I wanted to make a site for myself, but moreover, I thought I would want a site that my friends would enjoy and want to frequent. So I'd make it a blog? A sketchbook diary? Should I start a webcomic? Various thoughts and possibilities floated around in my head.
. . .As a certain frightfully intelligent friend of mine once pointed out, people who've known me for a short amount of time will know me as an artistic individual, whether it be in the visual arts, music or language. And some people who've known me a bit better or longer will also tend to remark that I also have some skill (I dare not say "talent" in a place like UW) in the logical/analytical academics such as math and chemistry.
. . .I love talking with this friend if only because of her keen perception and sharp wit. But what she said really made me think. (Well, not that I didn't know these two facts about myself before, but it just made me rethink something in a new way.) At the core, I'm an analytical person. Friends of mine will find that I often pay attention to unnecessary things, or that I over-think certain situations or episodes of the past/present. At the same time, I have this love for art. I like drawing, I enjoy using colour and I really love making something that'll make ppl go "wow!" Of course, when those people are only your friends, ya gotta wonder if your art is really all that, or if they're just being nice.
. . .Art being something that I've done all my life, it's a wonder why I first went into math for post-secondary education. Oh well. But in any case, while I'm not yet ready to unveil my lil corner on the web, I have decided that this personal site will be for my artistic scribbles, whether in literary or visual form. Of course, there's still the small complications of acquiring a scanner...
. . .So that's my little self-realization for my internet usage. I'm going to make an artsy-fartsy website stuffed with my conceptions. Yay! But html seems to be growing out-of-fashion... Which means I'll soon have to learn how to use flash. Hrmm... Maybe when I'm doing my Masters. ^_^
*edit* (8:05am)
. . .And if anyone is wondering why this post is up so late/early, it's cuz I took a looooong afternoon nap, and ended up waking up at 9:15pm... Later to make and eat dinner at around 1:00am. So I didn't sleep until around 4:00am. I should be normalized again now... semi-big day today. Hey, Garnett Crow is good... haven't listened to them in a while... :3
2004/09/24
Fuscation
. . .Konja's first meeting last night. The general meeting went by alright, and the dinner was fun afterwards as well. Unfortunately, some of the exchange students had a cold, one of whom passed it on to me... :'( Apparently, it's spreading all across campus, so I guess it is now my duty to go back to Toronto and spread the joy.
. . .And I figure I probably should have gotten more sleep, but a certain "quiet" someone, as always, managed to wake me with his or her morning routine. So I'm up at 7:30, with a slightly runny nose and a VERY sore throat. Made some oatmeal. Drank a fair amount of water... added some honey. Still not feeling happy; not releasing enough endorphins. I guess I'll have to try sth else...
. . .In other news, I spent a good hour just leisurely reading this Webster's Unabridged 1960's Dictionary. That gave me a lot of kicks. I love learning vocab. Pronunciation of some of them were a little difficult... (Sabaism with an accent on the first?! sounds unnatural...) But Mmm, I'd love to own that dictionary.
. . .And I figure I probably should have gotten more sleep, but a certain "quiet" someone, as always, managed to wake me with his or her morning routine. So I'm up at 7:30, with a slightly runny nose and a VERY sore throat. Made some oatmeal. Drank a fair amount of water... added some honey. Still not feeling happy; not releasing enough endorphins. I guess I'll have to try sth else...
. . .In other news, I spent a good hour just leisurely reading this Webster's Unabridged 1960's Dictionary. That gave me a lot of kicks. I love learning vocab. Pronunciation of some of them were a little difficult... (Sabaism with an accent on the first?! sounds unnatural...) But Mmm, I'd love to own that dictionary.
2004/09/23
Chaos
. . .Wow, it's been a while since I've updated. In short, I'm still broke, but still managing to stay alive. Tomorrow, the plan is to pick up OSAP (ie. money for tuition, etc), find German prof to sign me into his class, tweak and print my resume, apply to the local BBT shop for a parttime job and then pray that konja's first general meeting goes well. Now, if I could only stick to that plan...
2004/09/19
Insanity
. . .In short, this first week has been INSANE. But I'll blog more about it when I get back to Waterloo, for I'm on my sister's computer right now, and I've lotsa stuff to take care of around here... Clubs Day was hectic, and the exchange students are a handful... the ones I deal with anyways.
. . .Just back in Toronto cuz I forgot to bring back a few certain essentials... (conditioner, hair-dryer, etc.)
. . .Just back in Toronto cuz I forgot to bring back a few certain essentials... (conditioner, hair-dryer, etc.)
2004/09/13
Food Diary
Day 1 (sunday)
. . .Lots of water, two pieces of buttered toast for breakfast, more half-filtered water (my water filter isn't working so great) and 5 pieces of caramel "hei tang" (black candy?).
Day 2 (Monday)
. . .More half-filtered water, 4 pieces of buttered toast (thereby depleting my loaf of bread), and 398mL of Heinz alpha-ghetti.
Being on a public computer sucks. I don't get internet at home 'til Wendesday afternoon (cable guy said 5-8pm). Meanwhile, my sister dearest just sent me some money, so if I spend wisely (i.e. not eating out) then I should be able to stretch it to last me a week and a half or so. So until Wednesday, I guess none of you'll be hearing from me (Unless you phone... or bump into me on campus) =D
. . .Lots of water, two pieces of buttered toast for breakfast, more half-filtered water (my water filter isn't working so great) and 5 pieces of caramel "hei tang" (black candy?).
Day 2 (Monday)
. . .More half-filtered water, 4 pieces of buttered toast (thereby depleting my loaf of bread), and 398mL of Heinz alpha-ghetti.
Being on a public computer sucks. I don't get internet at home 'til Wendesday afternoon (cable guy said 5-8pm). Meanwhile, my sister dearest just sent me some money, so if I spend wisely (i.e. not eating out) then I should be able to stretch it to last me a week and a half or so. So until Wednesday, I guess none of you'll be hearing from me (Unless you phone... or bump into me on campus) =D
2004/09/08
Illusionist
. . .I just had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was in some sort of cult meeting; they claimed to be christians but some of their philosophy was so wrong... (the trading of spiritual gifts!? and other such blasphemy). Realizing that I was now in trouble I tried running away... I managed to sneak out, but I forgot my bag in that room (it was being held in a meeting room in a highschool. Sorta like a cross between MC and Earl Haig). On the way out I passed by David McKinnon, my number theory prof, and for some reason I wasn't wearing contacts or glasses. I asked if he could get my bag for me to which he willingly obliged. (maybe my glasses were in my bag...?)
. . .But as his explanation, he said sth. in German, which tipped off the leader cult guy that I had run away. (for some reason I was able to know this in my dream... maybe I had several gifts or sth.) So away I run (with glasses and a bag) out of the building, down a very steep hill and only some paved walkway with students. As I run, a man in a dark jacket and black clothes seems to streak down from the sky in an aura of purple, landing onto the path and walking normally. Suddenly one of my 'gifts' of 'insight' told me that those kinds of ppl (ppl who could fly) were called illusionists because in the 1600's medical science of the Elizabethan court remarked that these flying men seemed almost asleep. So, once knowing this, I tried to induce myself into a half-sleep state of conciousness so that I might be able to fly away. In my attempts I was able to slightly hover, and I was also able to skew my vision so that I could see lines of energy (the trails which ppl with 'gifts' have walked recently), but I don't think I managed to properly fly away. And then, I woke up.
. . .One of the thoughts I had was whether my dream was accurate; was Queen Elizabeth in the 1600's? I think not; she was closer to the end of the 1700's, no? Or am I thinking of Victoria? But anyways, that was my dream. (There's no way pyrokinesis is a christian spiritual gift, right?) :S
. . .But as his explanation, he said sth. in German, which tipped off the leader cult guy that I had run away. (for some reason I was able to know this in my dream... maybe I had several gifts or sth.) So away I run (with glasses and a bag) out of the building, down a very steep hill and only some paved walkway with students. As I run, a man in a dark jacket and black clothes seems to streak down from the sky in an aura of purple, landing onto the path and walking normally. Suddenly one of my 'gifts' of 'insight' told me that those kinds of ppl (ppl who could fly) were called illusionists because in the 1600's medical science of the Elizabethan court remarked that these flying men seemed almost asleep. So, once knowing this, I tried to induce myself into a half-sleep state of conciousness so that I might be able to fly away. In my attempts I was able to slightly hover, and I was also able to skew my vision so that I could see lines of energy (the trails which ppl with 'gifts' have walked recently), but I don't think I managed to properly fly away. And then, I woke up.
. . .One of the thoughts I had was whether my dream was accurate; was Queen Elizabeth in the 1600's? I think not; she was closer to the end of the 1700's, no? Or am I thinking of Victoria? But anyways, that was my dream. (There's no way pyrokinesis is a christian spiritual gift, right?) :S
2004/09/06
The Exhibition
. . .So on Thursday afternoon, a certain actor friend and I saw the movie Collateral. It was pretty good. I don't want to ruin anything (and I'm watching a movie right now as I type this) so that's all I'll say on the subject.
. . .Anyways, afterwards, he was supposed to have plans with sby and I also, but my plans dbl booked himself (and a certain other someone had precidence over me... gr..) and actor friend's friend disappeared... so we decided to go to the CNE.
. . .That was pretty fun.. got there pretty late, but it was all good. Got to see some horses, ate some food, got harrassed by ppl in booths. Though I didn't even notice, so this is my actor friend telling me afterwards. Apparently, the guy was trying to get my attention and stuff, ending with "HELLO?!?! ARE YOU ALIVE?!" or sth like that. We laughed and stuff... The sun went down... and we saw the beginning of Sby Cochrane(sp?) walk a tightrope with a sparkly white costume. It was getting pretty windy, so I could only imagine how it must have been for him and his balance stick... thingy.
. . .We ended up bumping into another person from DMCI, which was pretty cool. And so the three of us subwayed back home. yay!
. . .Anyways, afterwards, he was supposed to have plans with sby and I also, but my plans dbl booked himself (and a certain other someone had precidence over me... gr..) and actor friend's friend disappeared... so we decided to go to the CNE.
. . .That was pretty fun.. got there pretty late, but it was all good. Got to see some horses, ate some food, got harrassed by ppl in booths. Though I didn't even notice, so this is my actor friend telling me afterwards. Apparently, the guy was trying to get my attention and stuff, ending with "HELLO?!?! ARE YOU ALIVE?!" or sth like that. We laughed and stuff... The sun went down... and we saw the beginning of Sby Cochrane(sp?) walk a tightrope with a sparkly white costume. It was getting pretty windy, so I could only imagine how it must have been for him and his balance stick... thingy.
. . .We ended up bumping into another person from DMCI, which was pretty cool. And so the three of us subwayed back home. yay!
2004/09/03
Crumbled Dignity
. . .It has been said that "poverty is no vice", to which I must whole-heartedly agree, being less-than-rich myself. And yet, can there be a dignity to being a pauper?
. . .What does it mean to offend? To hurt somebody's feelings, I'd imagine. But then what does it mean to hurt? Certain insults are culturally acquired, such as verbal attacks on one's gender, culture, age, height, weight, etc.
. . .I may as well tell my crazy Waterloo adventure first before going on about my lil' social rant that nobody really has a care for or possesses the ability to identify with (you insensitive lumoxes! o':)
. . .So yah, I stayed up the entire night, caught the first TTC train (at 5:42am) down to Dundas Stn. to catch the 6:30am greyhound to Waterloo. It was a relatively peaceful ride, except for the fact that my cap was too high and the sun was too low, it being early morn. So while those fiery javelins of Amaterasu pierced my eyelids, I managed to get some sleep... somehow.
. . .Got into Waterloo at around 9:00am, at which point I went to my room and started packing stuff. Finished sorting everything into boxes by around 11:30am, feelin' mighty proud of myself and decided to take a short rest, noting that I had the elevator booked in my new apartment from 2-3pm. I woke up at 3:00pm, clutching my alarm clock in my left hand. (I'm sure it went off at 1:00pm, and I somehow turned it off subconciously.)
. . .Ah, schreiss! was my first thought. Then figuring that I didn't have the money to spare for a taxi, I thought I'd carry it a box at a time. (How bad could it be, right? I mean, it's only a 10 minute walk normally, so with the box...20 minutes?) The first trip took me FORTY minutes, and that was just travel time (without disloading time). At the time, I figured I'd carry the heavy stuff first, that way it'd get easier towards the end when I was tired to carry the lighter stuff. But as everybody knows my body, like my complexion is very weak and fragile. These two VERY nice ppl took pity on me and seeing me struggle with the box (towards the end I was just dragging it with a towel, which I had originally used to wrap around the handles to protect my weak hands from developing callouses.) gave me the shopping cart they were originally using to carry their backpacks. So now I had a shopping cart! (From like, Loblaws or sth.) I finished making my first trip, and the next two trips happened almost without incident. Except that I was now a sweaty asian in a cap carting around his books and clothes in a shopping cart. Nothing conspicuous about that...
. . .K, so that was my fun story about Waterloo (that happened on Wednesday). Back to my rant about society's ails. So as some of dear readers may be aware, I'm easily offended. And not in the nit-picky sort of way either. It's just freak incident that I take more after my mother in terms of personal principles and values. Polite Society, as we'd like to call it. And my sister seems to have taken more after our father, a ... ... ... personable and open individual who knows how to laugh even in the face of disaster.
. . .Two incidents are being described here. The first was a most shocking one to which I thought could never happen in real life. A certain hence-forth-dubbed-"Beach" female openly voiced her disapproval and disgust at the way I was consuming a watermelon. Now, I shan't detail how exactly I was eating it out of some embarassment, and partly because it's not the focus of my rant (but really... I was in my apartment; not in public). What was extraordinary was not that she possessed some sort of etiquette that I didn't expect (which, in fact is quite the opposite), but that she would openly offend and maim my feelings IN MY OWN HOME without a second care in the world, seemingly more concerned for the virginity of her thoughts than to the general mood of the atmosphere. Sufficed to say, the air turned deathly cold. Well, after an initial few moments of immense pain and shock, my blood ran cool with indignation and anger. And after that subsided, I started thinking about whether my actions have ever evoked such feelings of hurt, shock, hatred and anger in anybody else as I experienced that evening.
. . .A beautiful mind, a beautiful soul depends not upon one's physical beauty, clothes or riches, but rather on the personality and being of a person. Why I had a distaste for ppl wasn't because I thought them below me, but because they weren't beautiful on the inside. Brash, coarse individuals who cannot consider the other individual and just speak their minds. Is that "sweet" in any sense of the word? I think not. Yes, the idea of Bienséance is very antiquated, but that doesn't mean it's any less relevant in today's world.
. . .The second incident involves a ... ... ... sth friend of mine. I can't say close friend, though certainly somewhat of a good friend. He's dear, after a fashion, though horribly blunt without a sense of tact or verbal retinence. Of course, there's the fact of differing cultures to consider. But he can't even see that I'm in a different culture. He just knows that I'm not in his culture and therefore I'm 'uncultured' (a remark that to this day I'm particularly sore about).
. . .So anyways, what's the point of this rant? Basically, that ppl are cruel, cold animals and that it's sad, nay, a SIN that today's society has allowed the intellectual mind to be forgiven for its social transgressions. So what if you have a shard of physical beauty and a spark of intelligence? Your tongue is so vile that it's a wonder that society has allowed you to continue as you are. And it's obvious, Beach, that it doesn't matter what I do or say because you've already locked a certain preconception of who I am, which while I no longer am that whom you saw all those years ago, it doesn't matter because you're just filled with judgement instead of perception.
. . .Why can't we all just be nice to each other? Oh, I don't understand it at all...
. . .What does it mean to offend? To hurt somebody's feelings, I'd imagine. But then what does it mean to hurt? Certain insults are culturally acquired, such as verbal attacks on one's gender, culture, age, height, weight, etc.
. . .I may as well tell my crazy Waterloo adventure first before going on about my lil' social rant that nobody really has a care for or possesses the ability to identify with (you insensitive lumoxes! o':)
. . .So yah, I stayed up the entire night, caught the first TTC train (at 5:42am) down to Dundas Stn. to catch the 6:30am greyhound to Waterloo. It was a relatively peaceful ride, except for the fact that my cap was too high and the sun was too low, it being early morn. So while those fiery javelins of Amaterasu pierced my eyelids, I managed to get some sleep... somehow.
. . .Got into Waterloo at around 9:00am, at which point I went to my room and started packing stuff. Finished sorting everything into boxes by around 11:30am, feelin' mighty proud of myself and decided to take a short rest, noting that I had the elevator booked in my new apartment from 2-3pm. I woke up at 3:00pm, clutching my alarm clock in my left hand. (I'm sure it went off at 1:00pm, and I somehow turned it off subconciously.)
. . .Ah, schreiss! was my first thought. Then figuring that I didn't have the money to spare for a taxi, I thought I'd carry it a box at a time. (How bad could it be, right? I mean, it's only a 10 minute walk normally, so with the box...20 minutes?) The first trip took me FORTY minutes, and that was just travel time (without disloading time). At the time, I figured I'd carry the heavy stuff first, that way it'd get easier towards the end when I was tired to carry the lighter stuff. But as everybody knows my body, like my complexion is very weak and fragile. These two VERY nice ppl took pity on me and seeing me struggle with the box (towards the end I was just dragging it with a towel, which I had originally used to wrap around the handles to protect my weak hands from developing callouses.) gave me the shopping cart they were originally using to carry their backpacks. So now I had a shopping cart! (From like, Loblaws or sth.) I finished making my first trip, and the next two trips happened almost without incident. Except that I was now a sweaty asian in a cap carting around his books and clothes in a shopping cart. Nothing conspicuous about that...
. . .K, so that was my fun story about Waterloo (that happened on Wednesday). Back to my rant about society's ails. So as some of dear readers may be aware, I'm easily offended. And not in the nit-picky sort of way either. It's just freak incident that I take more after my mother in terms of personal principles and values. Polite Society, as we'd like to call it. And my sister seems to have taken more after our father, a ... ... ... personable and open individual who knows how to laugh even in the face of disaster.
. . .Two incidents are being described here. The first was a most shocking one to which I thought could never happen in real life. A certain hence-forth-dubbed-"Beach" female openly voiced her disapproval and disgust at the way I was consuming a watermelon. Now, I shan't detail how exactly I was eating it out of some embarassment, and partly because it's not the focus of my rant (but really... I was in my apartment; not in public). What was extraordinary was not that she possessed some sort of etiquette that I didn't expect (which, in fact is quite the opposite), but that she would openly offend and maim my feelings IN MY OWN HOME without a second care in the world, seemingly more concerned for the virginity of her thoughts than to the general mood of the atmosphere. Sufficed to say, the air turned deathly cold. Well, after an initial few moments of immense pain and shock, my blood ran cool with indignation and anger. And after that subsided, I started thinking about whether my actions have ever evoked such feelings of hurt, shock, hatred and anger in anybody else as I experienced that evening.
. . .A beautiful mind, a beautiful soul depends not upon one's physical beauty, clothes or riches, but rather on the personality and being of a person. Why I had a distaste for ppl wasn't because I thought them below me, but because they weren't beautiful on the inside. Brash, coarse individuals who cannot consider the other individual and just speak their minds. Is that "sweet" in any sense of the word? I think not. Yes, the idea of Bienséance is very antiquated, but that doesn't mean it's any less relevant in today's world.
. . .The second incident involves a ... ... ... sth friend of mine. I can't say close friend, though certainly somewhat of a good friend. He's dear, after a fashion, though horribly blunt without a sense of tact or verbal retinence. Of course, there's the fact of differing cultures to consider. But he can't even see that I'm in a different culture. He just knows that I'm not in his culture and therefore I'm 'uncultured' (a remark that to this day I'm particularly sore about).
. . .So anyways, what's the point of this rant? Basically, that ppl are cruel, cold animals and that it's sad, nay, a SIN that today's society has allowed the intellectual mind to be forgiven for its social transgressions. So what if you have a shard of physical beauty and a spark of intelligence? Your tongue is so vile that it's a wonder that society has allowed you to continue as you are. And it's obvious, Beach, that it doesn't matter what I do or say because you've already locked a certain preconception of who I am, which while I no longer am that whom you saw all those years ago, it doesn't matter because you're just filled with judgement instead of perception.
. . .Why can't we all just be nice to each other? Oh, I don't understand it at all...
2004/08/28
Meme
Appetizer
What is a word that your family uses that would not be considered common?
. . ."ábuuuuu" It's a word my sister made up to fondly refer to our father.
Soup
What theme of calendar do you have on your wall this year?
. . .Minimalism, technically.
Salad
Name 3 people you speak with on a daily basis.
. . .Me, Myself and I... =P Technically though? I don't really talk to anybody everyday... but if I were to take the question less literally and take it to intend "very regularly", then I guess it'd be Snowflake, Fuchsdämonin and Strife... Not sure if that last codename's been decrypted yet. Hrm. Ah well. But GAH, they're all younger than me... :S I wonder if that makes me immature...
Main Course
If you could put a new tattoo on someone you know - who would it be, what would the tattoo be of, and where would you put it on them?
. . .I never really think about tattoos... I had a dream about them once, but they weren't permanent, and only appeared on mage-born children when magic was attempted on them. So, to answer the question, I'd say the person would be a certain male-fox (of 18-22 yrs of age), with a tattoo of a pair of calligraphic wings (see "shackles of freedom from my dA site for a better idea), on his back, stretching across his shoulderblades and maybe ending on the shoulders.
Dessert
What is the last beverage you drank out of a glass bottle?
. . .I'm not sure if it were actually made of genuine glass, but it certainly shattered when dropped and wasn't bendable by the human hand in the slightest. I don't even remember exactly what it was called. Canadian sth... It was a pretty clear drink that came in various fruity flavours... I prefered cherry. Mmmm.... crystal-clear cherries... But they stopped making it a while ago... Dunno if they changed packaging or if they ran out of business.
What is a word that your family uses that would not be considered common?
. . ."ábuuuuu" It's a word my sister made up to fondly refer to our father.
Soup
What theme of calendar do you have on your wall this year?
. . .Minimalism, technically.
Salad
Name 3 people you speak with on a daily basis.
. . .Me, Myself and I... =P Technically though? I don't really talk to anybody everyday... but if I were to take the question less literally and take it to intend "very regularly", then I guess it'd be Snowflake, Fuchsdämonin and Strife... Not sure if that last codename's been decrypted yet. Hrm. Ah well. But GAH, they're all younger than me... :S I wonder if that makes me immature...
Main Course
If you could put a new tattoo on someone you know - who would it be, what would the tattoo be of, and where would you put it on them?
. . .I never really think about tattoos... I had a dream about them once, but they weren't permanent, and only appeared on mage-born children when magic was attempted on them. So, to answer the question, I'd say the person would be a certain male-fox (of 18-22 yrs of age), with a tattoo of a pair of calligraphic wings (see "shackles of freedom from my dA site for a better idea), on his back, stretching across his shoulderblades and maybe ending on the shoulders.
Dessert
What is the last beverage you drank out of a glass bottle?
. . .I'm not sure if it were actually made of genuine glass, but it certainly shattered when dropped and wasn't bendable by the human hand in the slightest. I don't even remember exactly what it was called. Canadian sth... It was a pretty clear drink that came in various fruity flavours... I prefered cherry. Mmmm.... crystal-clear cherries... But they stopped making it a while ago... Dunno if they changed packaging or if they ran out of business.
Returned
. . .Yay! I'm back! Through God's good graces I was able to get on the planes from HK to Vancouver and then from Vancouver to Toronto, the latter flight during which I made a friend from a dancer from China! How exciting. But his English was worse than my Mandarin, so commnication was not entirely seamless. But it was cool. And even though we were both very horribly travel-worn, we managed to keep ourselves sane.
. . .=D I just saw a movie after I got home too... Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? made in uhh...1967. I cried. But I'll write a review of it later; too tired to bother to think intelligently right now...
. . .=D I just saw a movie after I got home too... Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? made in uhh...1967. I cried. But I'll write a review of it later; too tired to bother to think intelligently right now...
2004/08/21
The Meme
Appetizer
What does the color pink make you think of?
. . .Cherry blossoms, some really expensive paper I bought for writing elegant letters, umm...strawberry starbursts? Pink Lemonade! The blood of tellitubbies! Ballet tutus! Umm.. One of the layers of carbon copy paper for bank note thingies... Big-bunny! (www.big-bunny.com), roses that couldn't make up their minds if they wanted to be red or white... Urrmmm.... yah, that's all I gots for now.
Soup
Name something you have lost but later found.
. . .Mine Innocence! haha.. hrrmm... I used to loose my pencil cases and erasers a lot in middleschool...
Salad
In 3 words, describe this past week.
. . .Busy, Painful, ennui
Main Course
What are you obsessed with?
. . .Obsession. Urrmm... lotsa stuff... Linguistics, Literature, English, Singing, Piano, Violin, Math(well, only some maths...), Pretty symbols and designs, Histories and Cultures of proud and ancient civilizations (Chinese, English, Japanese, German, Russian, etc), Chinese Characters/Kanji, and most of all, my personal penmanship. =P
Dessert
What kind of perfume or cologne do you like to wear?
. . .Nature's finest. ;)
What does the color pink make you think of?
. . .Cherry blossoms, some really expensive paper I bought for writing elegant letters, umm...strawberry starbursts? Pink Lemonade! The blood of tellitubbies! Ballet tutus! Umm.. One of the layers of carbon copy paper for bank note thingies... Big-bunny! (www.big-bunny.com), roses that couldn't make up their minds if they wanted to be red or white... Urrmmm.... yah, that's all I gots for now.
Soup
Name something you have lost but later found.
. . .Mine Innocence! haha.. hrrmm... I used to loose my pencil cases and erasers a lot in middleschool...
Salad
In 3 words, describe this past week.
. . .Busy, Painful, ennui
Main Course
What are you obsessed with?
. . .Obsession. Urrmm... lotsa stuff... Linguistics, Literature, English, Singing, Piano, Violin, Math(well, only some maths...), Pretty symbols and designs, Histories and Cultures of proud and ancient civilizations (Chinese, English, Japanese, German, Russian, etc), Chinese Characters/Kanji, and most of all, my personal penmanship. =P
Dessert
What kind of perfume or cologne do you like to wear?
. . .Nature's finest. ;)
2004/08/20
Hong Kong
. . .Flight was painful. Eyes, burning. Dizzy. Oh, so dizzy. Kinda peeved too; both women (on either side of me) were jabbing me in the sides with their probasive, intrusive, invasive elbows. That wasn't fun.
. . .After the painful 15 or so hours of flying, it was another hour of a busride to my aunt's place just to leave again for a cousin's flat for dinner. I barely ate anything, being dizzy and slept away most of my first 12 hours in HK.
. . .Woke up at 5:00am this morning. Tried reading my Chinese Grammar book. Learned about all these verb constructions and compounding rules. Lotsa fun. If only I could remember them all...
. . .Other than that, nothing exciting or remarkable. No oppertunity to go shopping quite yet, but hopefully that'll change in the next few days... Dun wanna do weekend shopping cuz that's when most other ppl are free... It's gotta be in the early afternoon of a weekday! yah... Other ppl will be at work then. =D
. . .Shopping/[wish] List
◎FF7:AC (if it's out yet)
◎nifty green umbrella with silver-coloured handle (prolly aluminium though)
◎Clothes!
. . .After the painful 15 or so hours of flying, it was another hour of a busride to my aunt's place just to leave again for a cousin's flat for dinner. I barely ate anything, being dizzy and slept away most of my first 12 hours in HK.
. . .Woke up at 5:00am this morning. Tried reading my Chinese Grammar book. Learned about all these verb constructions and compounding rules. Lotsa fun. If only I could remember them all...
. . .Other than that, nothing exciting or remarkable. No oppertunity to go shopping quite yet, but hopefully that'll change in the next few days... Dun wanna do weekend shopping cuz that's when most other ppl are free... It's gotta be in the early afternoon of a weekday! yah... Other ppl will be at work then. =D
. . .Shopping/[wish] List
◎FF7:AC (if it's out yet)
◎nifty green umbrella with silver-coloured handle (prolly aluminium though)
◎Clothes!
2004/08/19
Sweet Slumber
. . .Flying to HK in a few hours... ah, so excited. Or I would be if I had some energy. As it is, I'll be lucky if I can dress myself properly for the flight. OMG, I'm tired. It's 3:00am, and I haven't packed yet. And I'm supposed to get out of here by 7:30am to make my morning 9:45 flight. Yah, lotsa fun. Lord, I hope I'll be able to sleep on the plane.
. . .But first, what to pack? What to bring? What to do? I wonder if I can remember how to get to my Aunt's place from the Airport. Whee... capitalize Nouns! Cuz I'm thinking in German now. Yay!
. . .OK, I should sleep now. But at least I'll get to see family and my friend! =D And then we'll get to do aaaall sorts of stuff together. And save ourselves from the HK idea of "accomodation"... Which really is nothing more than just having a patronizing babysitter who was coerced into doing it because of some obligation to consanguinity. But anyways... I should be wondering how much space I should leave in my suitcase for the flight back... =3
. . .kks, off I go... I suppose I should get *some* rest inbetween.... travelling without one's faculties intact can be a rather dangerous and painful (leading to eventual frustration and perdition) experience.
. . .But first, what to pack? What to bring? What to do? I wonder if I can remember how to get to my Aunt's place from the Airport. Whee... capitalize Nouns! Cuz I'm thinking in German now. Yay!
. . .OK, I should sleep now. But at least I'll get to see family and my friend! =D And then we'll get to do aaaall sorts of stuff together. And save ourselves from the HK idea of "accomodation"... Which really is nothing more than just having a patronizing babysitter who was coerced into doing it because of some obligation to consanguinity. But anyways... I should be wondering how much space I should leave in my suitcase for the flight back... =3
. . .kks, off I go... I suppose I should get *some* rest inbetween.... travelling without one's faculties intact can be a rather dangerous and painful (leading to eventual frustration and perdition) experience.
2004/08/16
Viral Victory!
. . .I just passed Parasite Eve 2~!!! I'm so happy. Loved the ending, though I wish they'd have shown a little more... ...But it had a sort of subtlety that I could appreciate. =) *giddy with excitment* OMG the final boss was sooooooo hard; I didn't think I would make it about half-way into the battle. But thankfully I stocked up well, so I had pleeeeeeeeeeeenty of potions to keep me alive. =D
. . .But yes, it is well past 3:00am now. I should sleep.
. . .But yes, it is well past 3:00am now. I should sleep.
2004/08/14
MONKEY!
. . ....Which in my lingo is a curse. "MONKEY~!!" grr... the sun woke me up yet again... I really should cover my window with cardboard or sth; the blinds don't do nearly enough. Here I am, all alone, stuck in a small town with no money, food, or hope. Whee...
. . .On the plus side, I have my playstation, my computer and the Tale of Genji to keep me entertained. Now I just need a genius way of getting all my stuff back with me to Toronto ere the 21st, for that's when I'm scheduled to fly with my sister to HK to visit my father. (whoa, that's a lot of prepositional phrases in that sentence.... gosh, I love linguistics~!)
. . .On the plus side, I have my playstation, my computer and the Tale of Genji to keep me entertained. Now I just need a genius way of getting all my stuff back with me to Toronto ere the 21st, for that's when I'm scheduled to fly with my sister to HK to visit my father. (whoa, that's a lot of prepositional phrases in that sentence.... gosh, I love linguistics~!)
2004/08/13
Meme
Appetizer
Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?
. . .N/A
Soup
Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
. . .chicken wings, pizza crust and McKain french fries.
Salad
If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it?
. . .Haha... Depends on the place. But it'd probably start with an S or an A, and end with an A or a T. I'm thinking "Seleria" or "Amoryst"... *shrugs*
Main Course
What will most likely be the next book you read?
. . .Whoa, first real question~! Hrrmm... Either the Count of Monte Cristo(sp?) which I hear is different enough from the movie to make it worth it, or the Da Vinci Code.
Dessert
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
. . .Hrrmm... The face, I guess. Well, the head in general. If the woman's back is turned, I'd still look at the hair first before trying to guess if I know her.
Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?
. . .N/A
Soup
Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
. . .chicken wings, pizza crust and McKain french fries.
Salad
If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it?
. . .Haha... Depends on the place. But it'd probably start with an S or an A, and end with an A or a T. I'm thinking "Seleria" or "Amoryst"... *shrugs*
Main Course
What will most likely be the next book you read?
. . .Whoa, first real question~! Hrrmm... Either the Count of Monte Cristo(sp?) which I hear is different enough from the movie to make it worth it, or the Da Vinci Code.
Dessert
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
. . .Hrrmm... The face, I guess. Well, the head in general. If the woman's back is turned, I'd still look at the hair first before trying to guess if I know her.
2004/08/03
Wit
. . .Now there's the 'linguistic' spark for which I've sought. An extensive vocabulary is all very impressive and well, but what good are words if one doesn't know how to use them?
. . .I've a (now distant) friend whom I used to be close to. Unfortunately, it was the very lack of his ability to abstractly interpret my language that drove that novelty-sized wedge between us. He who would write and sing, yet he who has little if any appreciation for literature, linguistic wit and verbal repartee, one only wonders how he manages to survive in the world today. He who would be so gauche as to declare me as 'one of the most uncultured individuals' he's ever met. Seething indignation aside, I durst not venture to question whether he knew fully the meaning of the words he clumsily coughed out of his oral cavity. But let us mind not the idiocy of an entertainer.
. . .Resuming the topic at hand, how then, is one's wit developed? 'Tis obvious that frequent meetings with other intellectuals seems necessary, but yet something seems lacking. There is no formula for witty spontaneity. But yea, that is which is all to rare and precious in today's world. A wit for word. Waterloo has most definitely slain the feriocity with which I once used language. Perhaps in time I might hope to regain that which was stolen from me, but for now, immediate academics beckon.
. . .I've a (now distant) friend whom I used to be close to. Unfortunately, it was the very lack of his ability to abstractly interpret my language that drove that novelty-sized wedge between us. He who would write and sing, yet he who has little if any appreciation for literature, linguistic wit and verbal repartee, one only wonders how he manages to survive in the world today. He who would be so gauche as to declare me as 'one of the most uncultured individuals' he's ever met. Seething indignation aside, I durst not venture to question whether he knew fully the meaning of the words he clumsily coughed out of his oral cavity. But let us mind not the idiocy of an entertainer.
. . .Resuming the topic at hand, how then, is one's wit developed? 'Tis obvious that frequent meetings with other intellectuals seems necessary, but yet something seems lacking. There is no formula for witty spontaneity. But yea, that is which is all to rare and precious in today's world. A wit for word. Waterloo has most definitely slain the feriocity with which I once used language. Perhaps in time I might hope to regain that which was stolen from me, but for now, immediate academics beckon.
2004/08/02
Gestressed?
You know you're not studying when...
heh... Dirty and Accurate, eh? I wonder what that portends..
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
heh... Dirty and Accurate, eh? I wonder what that portends..
| S | Secretive |
| H | Haunting |
| A | Accurate |
| D | Dirty |
| O | Orderly |
| W | Worldly |
| - | |
| P | Philosophical |
| A | Amazing |
| L | Legendary |
| A | Amazing |
| D | Distinguished |
| I | Ideal |
| N | Normal |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
2004/08/01
Transcend
. . .So I woke up this früh morgens, owing to the blessed bright ball of brilliance that God has set at the centre of our solar system. Did the routine washroom-computer-study/movie morning ritual, which led into misc internet research (latin proverbs, Chinese grammar, etc) when I noticed a strange sensation. Thinking it was just depression or some emotional residue from last night, I ignored it. But then it got worse. It was at this point that I realized that I was hungry!
. . .Oh yah~! Humans need food to continue living! If I had my way, I wouldn't need to eat or sleep. But of course, in Chinese, that would require me becoming a "saint"... (rough translation. fairy? demi-god? 神仙) And I went to bed at like, 2:30am too... then up again at 9:44am, thanks to my acute photosensitivity. I'm already going blind; why do my eyes need to be hyper sensitive to light as well??? Or is it just a natural-yet-unfortunate consequence of having poor eyesight?
. . .Mmm.... don't even get me started on how I'd change things if I could customize myself... telekinesis! telepathy! ...Wings... ...and a tail!... luminescent ocular glands for night-vision!... ...possibly a slightly increased muscle capacity... (seeing as how I'm barely able to lift a pencil)... It's so sad... Normally, the way guys treat me would be perceived as chivalrous, but the sad truth of the matter is that I honestly do not have the physical capacity to lift, move, hold or push a lot of things.
. . .But getting back to more important things... Mmmm... fire-breathing capabilities? ish kinda interesting, but I prefer the more subtle traits.. (as if wings and tails were subtle...) Maybe if they were some sort of energy-based wings... hrrm... then I'd just need special energy-wing-generating glands on my back instead... definitely takes up less space... ...and now is when we know that Joseph has gone into delirium. Yes. I should get back to studying.... T_T
. . .Oh yah~! Humans need food to continue living! If I had my way, I wouldn't need to eat or sleep. But of course, in Chinese, that would require me becoming a "saint"... (rough translation. fairy? demi-god? 神仙) And I went to bed at like, 2:30am too... then up again at 9:44am, thanks to my acute photosensitivity. I'm already going blind; why do my eyes need to be hyper sensitive to light as well??? Or is it just a natural-yet-unfortunate consequence of having poor eyesight?
. . .Mmm.... don't even get me started on how I'd change things if I could customize myself... telekinesis! telepathy! ...Wings... ...and a tail!... luminescent ocular glands for night-vision!... ...possibly a slightly increased muscle capacity... (seeing as how I'm barely able to lift a pencil)... It's so sad... Normally, the way guys treat me would be perceived as chivalrous, but the sad truth of the matter is that I honestly do not have the physical capacity to lift, move, hold or push a lot of things.
. . .But getting back to more important things... Mmmm... fire-breathing capabilities? ish kinda interesting, but I prefer the more subtle traits.. (as if wings and tails were subtle...) Maybe if they were some sort of energy-based wings... hrrm... then I'd just need special energy-wing-generating glands on my back instead... definitely takes up less space... ...and now is when we know that Joseph has gone into delirium. Yes. I should get back to studying.... T_T
2004/07/27
Surprise
. . .Out of nowhere, my friend gives me a chocolate bar and before I have a chance to respond he leans in and plants two deep, wet, passionate kisses. Taken aback and slightly flustered, I asked what was going on. And as it turned out, this little episode of romance was nothing more than a typo. Ah, MSN+, how we adore thee.
2004/07/26
Vigilance
. . .This weekend was relatively fun. Friday evening I did ... ... A whole lot of nothing. *thinking* I was up 'til 7:00am doing God-knows-what. I don't even remember anymore... But it wasn't terribly productive. Finishing a series, maybe. Only one person stayed online and kept me semi-company, which was kinda cool, but...
. . .Woke up on Saturday at 9:30am. Extraordinary, considering the fact that I simply did not get enough sleep. I blame the sun. It's always that curséd flaming ball in the sky. Anywhoo, I did another whole lot of nothing 'til around 9:00pm, at which point I left for Air's place on campus. Did some studying there... sorta. Managed to make him half-study Japanese inbetween Calculus. Which is something I'd just like to forget. Or the University part of it anyways. Math itself is always somewhat fascinating. We get to prove silly things like for any positive integer k, the number 8k-1 can never be expressed as a sum of three squares. (e.g. a²+b²+c²) It's an elegant proof, but I've yet to see this little mathematical nugget applied in the real world.
. . .Aaaanyways... We then did some piano-hopping, then ended up at my place, at which point I think we tried to do some more work. He managed to do some Calc in any case, while I did some number theory. Not sure if I got one of the questions right 'cuz I solved it highschool-style, which I'm sure is legit, but he probably wanted us to solve it using some more advanced math crunching machines... Crashed at around 6:00am, while he was playing FF7 on the computer.................
. . .Next morning, I woke up at 9:30am. Again, because of the sun. Curséd sun. Meanwhile, Air slept semi-soundly, though I felt bad that he was using his backpack as a pillow... If only I had an extra blanket... Anywhoo, I somehow got the urge to find some hilarious flash movies that were shown to me in my frosh term. Though you really gotta be in the mood. It's definitely not something I'd always find funny. But it has its fair share of American wit. And I spent about my first hour just going through them all.... there's three sites for your viewing pleasure, all equally hilarious:
www.makingfiends.com
www.big-bunny.com
www.muffinfilms.com <- this was the one that was shown to me last year. The previous two were made by the same hand, but I think they were made later. Anyways, go through the eps and enjoy! The randomness is just pure gold!
. . .*ahem* Right. So ehh... Air finally stirred at around noon, and I tried feeding him food. But being a University student who barely ventures into the kitchen, I didn't really have much to offer... ^^; But yah. We managed to study, I took an hour nap at like, 4:00pm, then did some more computer fun. Integrals, whee! Photoshop + tablet, double whee! It's amazing that I was able to stay awake for so long this weekend. It might have partly been because of the presence of another human; can't really sleep in the presence of others. Anywhoo, Air took his leave at around 2:00am, at which point I just simply collapsed on my bed. ...And woke up this morning at 8:30am. Damnéd solar source of shine... Made my wake-up call at 9:00, and now just lazing about in 'cyberspace' until noon... ...And I guess thus concludes my weekend. I barely have anything to show for it, except maybe that my excess in sloth should be some sort of cause for concern to prompt me to go into hyper-gear and start mass-producing stuff for my deadlines. Must..keep... eyes... open... I'm still tired... :'( And I'm *positive* that I'm going to fall asleep in class again...
. . .Woke up on Saturday at 9:30am. Extraordinary, considering the fact that I simply did not get enough sleep. I blame the sun. It's always that curséd flaming ball in the sky. Anywhoo, I did another whole lot of nothing 'til around 9:00pm, at which point I left for Air's place on campus. Did some studying there... sorta. Managed to make him half-study Japanese inbetween Calculus. Which is something I'd just like to forget. Or the University part of it anyways. Math itself is always somewhat fascinating. We get to prove silly things like for any positive integer k, the number 8k-1 can never be expressed as a sum of three squares. (e.g. a²+b²+c²) It's an elegant proof, but I've yet to see this little mathematical nugget applied in the real world.
. . .Aaaanyways... We then did some piano-hopping, then ended up at my place, at which point I think we tried to do some more work. He managed to do some Calc in any case, while I did some number theory. Not sure if I got one of the questions right 'cuz I solved it highschool-style, which I'm sure is legit, but he probably wanted us to solve it using some more advanced math crunching machines... Crashed at around 6:00am, while he was playing FF7 on the computer.................
. . .Next morning, I woke up at 9:30am. Again, because of the sun. Curséd sun. Meanwhile, Air slept semi-soundly, though I felt bad that he was using his backpack as a pillow... If only I had an extra blanket... Anywhoo, I somehow got the urge to find some hilarious flash movies that were shown to me in my frosh term. Though you really gotta be in the mood. It's definitely not something I'd always find funny. But it has its fair share of American wit. And I spent about my first hour just going through them all.... there's three sites for your viewing pleasure, all equally hilarious:
www.makingfiends.com
www.big-bunny.com
www.muffinfilms.com <- this was the one that was shown to me last year. The previous two were made by the same hand, but I think they were made later. Anyways, go through the eps and enjoy! The randomness is just pure gold!
. . .*ahem* Right. So ehh... Air finally stirred at around noon, and I tried feeding him food. But being a University student who barely ventures into the kitchen, I didn't really have much to offer... ^^; But yah. We managed to study, I took an hour nap at like, 4:00pm, then did some more computer fun. Integrals, whee! Photoshop + tablet, double whee! It's amazing that I was able to stay awake for so long this weekend. It might have partly been because of the presence of another human; can't really sleep in the presence of others. Anywhoo, Air took his leave at around 2:00am, at which point I just simply collapsed on my bed. ...And woke up this morning at 8:30am. Damnéd solar source of shine... Made my wake-up call at 9:00, and now just lazing about in 'cyberspace' until noon... ...And I guess thus concludes my weekend. I barely have anything to show for it, except maybe that my excess in sloth should be some sort of cause for concern to prompt me to go into hyper-gear and start mass-producing stuff for my deadlines. Must..keep... eyes... open... I'm still tired... :'( And I'm *positive* that I'm going to fall asleep in class again...
2004/07/20
Whirl
. . .Gosh, I hate this new blogger interface. Even the "edit HTML" option screws things up so I don't have technical control over how I want to layout this text. So ghey...
. . .Anyways... School work is winding down though I should really finish a certain short story... ... and a certain essay... ...I don't even want to think about starting the culture research essay thing. @_@ Aside from the scary prospect of starting my thesis, it's just worrying about housing for next term, where I go for my Masters/PhD and what I could possibly do after I finish all this school... Meanwhile, I'm wasting more time in AdobePS... haha... check out what I have so far [here] ! I littered it with my personal comments, but if you agree and stuff, let me know! We've already established that the head is very deformed. Well, I'd best get back to work...
. . .Anyways... School work is winding down though I should really finish a certain short story... ... and a certain essay... ...I don't even want to think about starting the culture research essay thing. @_@ Aside from the scary prospect of starting my thesis, it's just worrying about housing for next term, where I go for my Masters/PhD and what I could possibly do after I finish all this school... Meanwhile, I'm wasting more time in AdobePS... haha... check out what I have so far [here] ! I littered it with my personal comments, but if you agree and stuff, let me know! We've already established that the head is very deformed. Well, I'd best get back to work...
2004/07/19
Silent Hero
He stands alo'e in winds that flow,
. . . . . .Gazing at the moon,
He says not a word, eyes trailing night bird,
. . . . . .As it sings its lonesome tune.
We've been friends for a year, or so 'twould appear,
. . . . . .Though rare had we words exchanged;
For the fact of the matter - that there was no laughter
. . . . . .Caused me to grow quite deranged.
Although we were men, the difference in ken
. . . . . .Was akin to gold and copper,
His life had no limes, while I lived through hard times;
. . . . . .He and I: the prince and pauper.
In attempt to break silence I fill æther with violence
. . . . . .Of a fury of wit and word,
But n'er he replies with gestures or smiles
. . . . . .As if he hadn't heard.
One day it was late, using tragedy as bait,
. . . . . .I hoped to evoke a response
"That's not good" said he, with neither malice nor glee
. . . . . .Throwing the conversation askance.
On through time we sail, though not a single veil
. . . . . .Of his person is lifted to me,
In depression asunder, I think in its thunder
. . . . . .That he from this friendship longed free.
My destitution grew, stomach small as a shrew
. . . . . .Though not a word I said to him
For I knew he detested my poverty uncontested
. . . . . .Loathing both my life and limb.
Stormclouds garnered about, my deathbed no doubt,
. . . . . .To herald the end of my days,
But out from the shadows came forth my mute hero
. . . . . .Reviving me from my daze.
Upon ashes I lay, unable to say
. . . . . .The love that I carried for you,
He pressed upon my lips, his shadow eclipsed,
. . . . . .Breathing in me life new.
With life given from grace I longed to embrace
. . . . . .My stoic yet loving hero,
It's through deeds not speech that he others' hearts reach
. . . . . .The sill of the soul's window.
But as quick as he came, he was gone again
. . . . . .Without saying adieu,
As if expelled from Heaven, posessing virtures seven,
. . . . . .He left behind a pleasant millieu.
I wanted to thank him in act, but remembered that tact
. . . . . .Demanded a stoic attitude,
And so I back down, from my plan to drown
. . . . . .My hero in gratitude.
Hence today have I strifed, with God-given new life
. . . . . .Ever grateful to he who has saved,
He'll never know, though I wish it were so,
. . . . . .That his kindness I'll someday repay.
. . . . . .Gazing at the moon,
He says not a word, eyes trailing night bird,
. . . . . .As it sings its lonesome tune.
We've been friends for a year, or so 'twould appear,
. . . . . .Though rare had we words exchanged;
For the fact of the matter - that there was no laughter
. . . . . .Caused me to grow quite deranged.
Although we were men, the difference in ken
. . . . . .Was akin to gold and copper,
His life had no limes, while I lived through hard times;
. . . . . .He and I: the prince and pauper.
In attempt to break silence I fill æther with violence
. . . . . .Of a fury of wit and word,
But n'er he replies with gestures or smiles
. . . . . .As if he hadn't heard.
One day it was late, using tragedy as bait,
. . . . . .I hoped to evoke a response
"That's not good" said he, with neither malice nor glee
. . . . . .Throwing the conversation askance.
On through time we sail, though not a single veil
. . . . . .Of his person is lifted to me,
In depression asunder, I think in its thunder
. . . . . .That he from this friendship longed free.
My destitution grew, stomach small as a shrew
. . . . . .Though not a word I said to him
For I knew he detested my poverty uncontested
. . . . . .Loathing both my life and limb.
Stormclouds garnered about, my deathbed no doubt,
. . . . . .To herald the end of my days,
But out from the shadows came forth my mute hero
. . . . . .Reviving me from my daze.
Upon ashes I lay, unable to say
. . . . . .The love that I carried for you,
He pressed upon my lips, his shadow eclipsed,
. . . . . .Breathing in me life new.
With life given from grace I longed to embrace
. . . . . .My stoic yet loving hero,
It's through deeds not speech that he others' hearts reach
. . . . . .The sill of the soul's window.
But as quick as he came, he was gone again
. . . . . .Without saying adieu,
As if expelled from Heaven, posessing virtures seven,
. . . . . .He left behind a pleasant millieu.
I wanted to thank him in act, but remembered that tact
. . . . . .Demanded a stoic attitude,
And so I back down, from my plan to drown
. . . . . .My hero in gratitude.
Hence today have I strifed, with God-given new life
. . . . . .Ever grateful to he who has saved,
He'll never know, though I wish it were so,
. . . . . .That his kindness I'll someday repay.
2004/07/16
Tablet
Yay! I have a tablet! ...Only, not really 'cuz it's my friend's. But for the meanwhile, I get to use a tablet on my compy. Lotsa fun. Mmmm.... this should probably go in my dA journal, but oh well. :P
2004/07/12
Frustration II
. . .Spent a while on that translation. Just to find that the ending is quite scandalous! In a Joseph-Tam-cannot-endorse sort of way. Her actions are simply without morals and I'm just simply shocked at how somebody could write something like that and call it a short story.
. . .Now, I realize that I hail from a time when there was such a thing as "polite society" and "polite reading", but is it necessary to load a story with promiscuity to assure sales? Authors just simply don't try the same way they used to. Grr... Meanwhile, I've now gotta choose between two of the other short stories. One's 7 pages and the other's 11 pages, but these are large pages... probably equal to double that number in normal paperback novel size.
. . .Now, I realize that I hail from a time when there was such a thing as "polite society" and "polite reading", but is it necessary to load a story with promiscuity to assure sales? Authors just simply don't try the same way they used to. Grr... Meanwhile, I've now gotta choose between two of the other short stories. One's 7 pages and the other's 11 pages, but these are large pages... probably equal to double that number in normal paperback novel size.
2004/07/11
Extinction
. . .Why should one care about how others feel? It's all about "me" and what "I" get out of it. My principles and values are no longer the primer for this worldly society. They have been slaughtered by their own brothers. Nobility are a thing of the past. Manners and etiquette have long died out. That which was once known as tact and decorum have become extinct.
. . .Perhaps it's time for me to follow suit.
. . .Perhaps it's time for me to follow suit.
Tamed
. . .Someone once said that I spewed things that others couldn't hope to conceive in a lifetime. That was five years ago. Now I don't spew anymore, but I wonder if it's because of a drop in mental activity, or a sign of maturity.
. . .Am I simply calmed from my former years of juvenille frustration, or has something slain my spirit? Being a pauper certainly has its drawbacks. And I always did find an appreciation for chaos. It may be less organized, but it allows one more suceptible to a wider range of ideas and concepts. Afterall, logic is a man-made construct. Most religions call us to love, not rationalize. To help the needy, not be pragmatic.
. . .I used to be so obsessed with intelligence etc. Wanted to be a Mensa member. My friends believed I could, and one eventually did become a Mensan. I took the test the same time he did, but I didn't do so great in the language section. I won't go into the details of my results because although they were impressive, they weren't good enough for Mensa. And this is from an age when I still actively studied whatever I wanted.
. . .Truely, it is true that one should cherish one's youth. For Time stops for no man. And although intelligence is apparently not my redeeming quality, surely there must be something in this world that's perfect for me. Linguistics? Or actual communication?
. . .Guh. No time to think; gotta work... Ah, the cruel truth of living in this modern world that we've created for ourselves.
. . .Am I simply calmed from my former years of juvenille frustration, or has something slain my spirit? Being a pauper certainly has its drawbacks. And I always did find an appreciation for chaos. It may be less organized, but it allows one more suceptible to a wider range of ideas and concepts. Afterall, logic is a man-made construct. Most religions call us to love, not rationalize. To help the needy, not be pragmatic.
. . .I used to be so obsessed with intelligence etc. Wanted to be a Mensa member. My friends believed I could, and one eventually did become a Mensan. I took the test the same time he did, but I didn't do so great in the language section. I won't go into the details of my results because although they were impressive, they weren't good enough for Mensa. And this is from an age when I still actively studied whatever I wanted.
. . .Truely, it is true that one should cherish one's youth. For Time stops for no man. And although intelligence is apparently not my redeeming quality, surely there must be something in this world that's perfect for me. Linguistics? Or actual communication?
. . .Guh. No time to think; gotta work... Ah, the cruel truth of living in this modern world that we've created for ourselves.
2004/07/08
Flow
. . .I had the most extraordinary nosebleed yesterday. And just when I was about to head to class. Oh, the irony. So anyways, this river of blood just comes flowing forth from my small left nostril, and so I rush to the washroom to try to clog it with some tissue -- the asian way. Only after two minutes, I notice that the tissue is getting really heavy and it sorta falls out on its own. And all the blood that was being blocked up until that point starts pouring forth with vigor. So I rush back to the washroom and just sorta lean over the sink for a while, letting the blood flow. and flow. and flow.
flow.
. . .Anyways, at some point I start having some visibility problems with my left eye and so I rub it. But as the blood continues to flow, my left eye remains irritated. I look up into the mirror and see that my left eye is now crying blood, which was clouding up my contact lens. So I awkwardly took out, washed and returned my contacts into their case while avoiding that constant stream of life that betrayed me. Oh, treacherous vitae! But because I had now changed my position, the bloodflow sorta shifted too, so it started pouring out of both nostrils. Ah, what a sight.
. . .If only I had a camera. That one shot when I looked into the mirror could have been used (with a proper caption) to have made quite the statement. But alas, I have no cybernetic implants. Or techie friends on hand. But that image will probably remain with me for a while. And I'll always have my sketchbook. Mmm... red marker... :P
. . .Anyways, I obviously ended up missing class, and I probably lost a good litre of blood... I was feeling rather weak for the rest of the day. But I had Japanese TAing that evening... Wednesdays are always fun.
flow.
. . .Anyways, at some point I start having some visibility problems with my left eye and so I rub it. But as the blood continues to flow, my left eye remains irritated. I look up into the mirror and see that my left eye is now crying blood, which was clouding up my contact lens. So I awkwardly took out, washed and returned my contacts into their case while avoiding that constant stream of life that betrayed me. Oh, treacherous vitae! But because I had now changed my position, the bloodflow sorta shifted too, so it started pouring out of both nostrils. Ah, what a sight.
. . .If only I had a camera. That one shot when I looked into the mirror could have been used (with a proper caption) to have made quite the statement. But alas, I have no cybernetic implants. Or techie friends on hand. But that image will probably remain with me for a while. And I'll always have my sketchbook. Mmm... red marker... :P
. . .Anyways, I obviously ended up missing class, and I probably lost a good litre of blood... I was feeling rather weak for the rest of the day. But I had Japanese TAing that evening... Wednesdays are always fun.
2004/07/05
Truth
. . .Reality is what one makes of it. At first, I didn't really understand that sentiment. That one's reality is real if one were delusional? Is one foolish for choosing to regard a situation as positive, when it's "clearly" negative?
. . .But then, that's not exactly the correct line of thought. Because that's simply personality. One prefers blue and therefore enjoys sunny days. But what of history? Surely, history is a form of reality, so concrete that it is almost inarguable. Except that we do. Was the French revolution a good thing? Were the Chinese really brilliant 5000 years ago? And that's when I realized it. Reality is what one makes of it. Choose one aspect of something and exemplify it. Samurai - honour. Nevermind that they were stiff-necked men who prefered suicide over survival. They had a man-made concept of honour, and they stuck with it. The willow or the Oak? The willow bends to the wind and therefore grows, but at least the mighty oak stood firm until the bitter end. < clichés con't > The brave may not live long, but the cowardly do not live at all. < /cliché >
. . .And never mind politics. The sublimal messages that American films carry -- Russians, Chinese are bad, Canadians are ignored... England, Japan and Israel are of some consideration. (I saw Independence Day last night on TV.)
. . .But anyways, I can't afford to think too deeply, I've a midterm to study for and some other assignments to complete, as well as my translation project. Dammit...
. . .But then, that's not exactly the correct line of thought. Because that's simply personality. One prefers blue and therefore enjoys sunny days. But what of history? Surely, history is a form of reality, so concrete that it is almost inarguable. Except that we do. Was the French revolution a good thing? Were the Chinese really brilliant 5000 years ago? And that's when I realized it. Reality is what one makes of it. Choose one aspect of something and exemplify it. Samurai - honour. Nevermind that they were stiff-necked men who prefered suicide over survival. They had a man-made concept of honour, and they stuck with it. The willow or the Oak? The willow bends to the wind and therefore grows, but at least the mighty oak stood firm until the bitter end. < clichés con't > The brave may not live long, but the cowardly do not live at all. < /cliché >
. . .And never mind politics. The sublimal messages that American films carry -- Russians, Chinese are bad, Canadians are ignored... England, Japan and Israel are of some consideration. (I saw Independence Day last night on TV.)
. . .But anyways, I can't afford to think too deeply, I've a midterm to study for and some other assignments to complete, as well as my translation project. Dammit...
2004/07/04
Song
. . .Here's another song. Doesn't necessarily describe my mood, but I found it frightfully witty. =)
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Monty Python)
Some things in life are bad,
they can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
don't grumble; give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the be--st
And,
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle,
that's the key
And,
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the bright side of life
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin,
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it's you're last chance anyhow!
So,
Always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of sh*t,
when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true
You'll see it's all a show,
keep them laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And,
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life...
Brave Sir Robin
Bravely bold Sir Robin,
Rode forth from Camelot
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave sir Robin
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
Brave, brave, brave, brave sir robin
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs will have to mangle,
Brave sir Robin
His head smashed in, and his heart cut out
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt up
And his heels~
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Monty Python)
Some things in life are bad,
they can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
don't grumble; give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the be--st
And,
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle,
that's the key
And,
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the bright side of life
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin,
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it's you're last chance anyhow!
So,
Always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of sh*t,
when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true
You'll see it's all a show,
keep them laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And,
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life...
Brave Sir Robin
Bravely bold Sir Robin,
Rode forth from Camelot
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave sir Robin
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
Brave, brave, brave, brave sir robin
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs will have to mangle,
Brave sir Robin
His head smashed in, and his heart cut out
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt up
And his heels~
Wasteful Weekend
. . .Well, I didn't get anywhere in the ways of anything, but at least I got my monthly dose of playtime. Now to get to work. Two midterms in the next two weeks, and I've also a crap-load of outstanding assignments, not to mention the math assignment due tomorrow. Yarg.
. . .And I still didn't get around to making a weekly schedule. Though at this point it's rather superfluous, since finals are in August. And I've STILL yet to post anything for dA. I feel like I've been neglecting art... :( And scanners in general. But hopefully, that'll change in the near future... ... maybe. I really gotta develop a work habit like Frank's... In the meanwhile, I'll try to focus... ...somehow.
. . .And I still didn't get around to making a weekly schedule. Though at this point it's rather superfluous, since finals are in August. And I've STILL yet to post anything for dA. I feel like I've been neglecting art... :( And scanners in general. But hopefully, that'll change in the near future... ... maybe. I really gotta develop a work habit like Frank's... In the meanwhile, I'll try to focus... ...somehow.
2004/07/02
Fate and Fortune
. . .Well, they say that sometimes, posting the lyrics of a song aptly describe how one feels. Accordingly, here's the lyrics from a song, by Carl Orff. I think most you you should probably recognize it. =)
| O Fortuna (Chorus) | Fortune Plango Vulnera | |
| O Fortuna
velut luna statu variabilis, semper crescis aut decrescis; vita detestabilis nunc obdurat et tunc curat ludo mentis aciem, egestatem, potestatem dissolvit ut glaciem. Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis, status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis, obumbrata et velata michi quoque niteris; nunc per ludum dorsum nudum fero tui sceleris. Sors salutis et virtutis michi nunc contraria, est affectus et defectus semper in angaria. Hac in hora sine mora corde pulsum tangite; quod per sortem sternit fortem, mecum omnes plangite! | Fortune plango vulnera
stillantibus ocellis quod sua michi munera subtrahit rebellis. Verum est, quod legitur, fronte capillata, sed plerumque sequitur Occasio calvata. In Fortune solio sederam elatus, prosperitatis vario flore coronatus; quicquid enim florui felix et beatus, nunc a summo corrui gloria privatus. Fortune rota volvitur: descendo minoratus; alter in altum tollitur; nimis exaltatus rex sedet in vertice caveat ruinam! nam sub axe legimus Hecubam reginam. |
2004/06/29
Fractured
. . .Whee~ I've been totally unfocused and sleeping odd hours for no apparent reason. Woke up at around 9:30am on Monday, went to class at 12:30, got home at around 1:40 and crashed onto my bed at around 2:00 or 2:30... ...just to wake up at 8:00pm. And then I uhh... played that chinese video game for a few hours (instead of cleaning my room), then wasted the hours away until around 5:30 or 6:00 when I decided to sleep again... waking up at 10:30. And so now I'm writing this instead of going to class (skipping again...whee...)
. . .So, dear friends, help me! If you see me online, and you KNOW I've been dallying for a while, give me a scowl and tell me to get back to work!
Currently, I've the following to do:
0. Make a weekly schedule to make the following easier to complete
1. Clean my room
2. make followup phone calls to places of employment
3. Some INTENSE studying for all my classes
4. TRANSLATION!!!! guhh....
5. Outstanding essays
. . .So, dear friends, help me! If you see me online, and you KNOW I've been dallying for a while, give me a scowl and tell me to get back to work!
Currently, I've the following to do:
0. Make a weekly schedule to make the following easier to complete
1. Clean my room
2. make followup phone calls to places of employment
3. Some INTENSE studying for all my classes
4. TRANSLATION!!!! guhh....
5. Outstanding essays
2004/06/27
Culture
. . .So I've been feeling a bit in the cultured mood this weekend. Got a reasonable amount of sleep, a nice break from Waterloo, and did some chinese calligraphy (with the brush), and also composed a few short poems, Tang-shi style. Only one am I particularly fond of though. The other three after my initial success seem to get progressively poor in quality... Granted, I wrote them during a state of unrest - at around 2:00am when I, for some reason, simply couldn't fall asleep. But yay! Writing's always fun to do. My mother's been kind enough to help look them over and point out anything that doesn't sound natural or doesn't flow eloquantly enough in the Chinese language. (Seeing as how I only know about 1800 characters, out of the minimum literacy level of 4500 characters, one might surmise that my poems would get awfully repetitive after a while...)
. . .But I guess this'll encourage me to learn more words. And stuff. Yes, Chinese is lotsa fun. Such a curious language too...
. . .But I guess this'll encourage me to learn more words. And stuff. Yes, Chinese is lotsa fun. Such a curious language too...
2004/06/24
Survey~
Old School 90s survey. Bold the ones you remember, underline your personal favorites.
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Secret World of Alex Mack
Nightmare Before Christmas
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies
Eureka's Castle
Salute Your Shorts
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Double Dare
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All
The Torklesons
The Adventures of Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
Goodburger
Angry Beavers
Sponge Bob
Hey Arnold!
AAH! Real Monsters
Tiny Toons
Animaniacs
Pinky and the Brain
The Babysitter's Club
Kablam!
Gullah Gullah Island
Richard Scarry
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears
A Little Princess
My Little Pony
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy!
Mousetrap
Jenga
Don't Break the Ice
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Cootie
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Polly Pocket
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite
Sky Dancers
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants
Jellies
Saddle Shoes
Barbies
Beanie Babies
Tamagotchis
Yo-Yos
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs
Goosebumps
Magic Attic Club
American Girl
Island of the Blue Dolphin
Saved By The Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy Meets World
Clueless
Simpsons
Flipper
Zoog Disney
Eerie Indiana
Third Rock From The Sun
Tracey Ullman Show
Ghostwriter
Growing Pains
Family Ties
Titanic
Felix The Cat: The Movie
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Home Improvement
Tom and Huck
My Brother and Me
Kenan and Kel
Hanson
Inspector Gadget
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Power Rangers
Hot Wheels
Creepy Crawlers
Easy Bake Oven
Flower Making Kits
Weinerville
Wild and Crazy Kids
Playdough McDonald's Sets
Animorphs
Rainbow Fish
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
Bailey School Kids
Wayside School
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Boxcar Kids
Ramona Quimby
Amber Brown
Roald Dahl
Allegra's Window
3-2-1 Contact
Wishbone
Doug
Old Yeller
The Wonder Years
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Secret World of Alex Mack
Nightmare Before Christmas
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies
Eureka's Castle
Salute Your Shorts
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Double Dare
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All
The Torklesons
The Adventures of Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
Goodburger
Angry Beavers
Sponge Bob
Hey Arnold!
AAH! Real Monsters
Tiny Toons
Animaniacs
Pinky and the Brain
The Babysitter's Club
Kablam!
Gullah Gullah Island
Richard Scarry
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears
A Little Princess
My Little Pony
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy!
Mousetrap
Jenga
Don't Break the Ice
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Cootie
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Polly Pocket
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite
Sky Dancers
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants
Jellies
Saddle Shoes
Barbies
Beanie Babies
Tamagotchis
Yo-Yos
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs
Goosebumps
Magic Attic Club
American Girl
Island of the Blue Dolphin
Saved By The Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy Meets World
Clueless
Simpsons
Flipper
Zoog Disney
Eerie Indiana
Third Rock From The Sun
Tracey Ullman Show
Ghostwriter
Growing Pains
Family Ties
Titanic
Felix The Cat: The Movie
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Home Improvement
Tom and Huck
My Brother and Me
Kenan and Kel
Hanson
Inspector Gadget
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Power Rangers
Hot Wheels
Creepy Crawlers
Easy Bake Oven
Flower Making Kits
Weinerville
Wild and Crazy Kids
Playdough McDonald's Sets
Animorphs
Rainbow Fish
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
Bailey School Kids
Wayside School
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Boxcar Kids
Ramona Quimby
Amber Brown
Roald Dahl
Allegra's Window
3-2-1 Contact
Wishbone
Doug
Old Yeller
The Wonder Years
River
. . .I'm drowning in the raging torrents of the river of time. Errr no, I'm not becoming senescent... Anywhoo, I wrote my first Chinese poem! Yay me! XD I posted it on my chinese blog; it's the thing with 7 characters per line; 4 lines in total... ...well, plus the title. But yah. Hope it makes sense. =)
2004/06/19
Cuisine
. . .Nothing but rice and soy sauce (and water) for the last few days. It was suggested that I add some meat to my diet. What a laugh. As if I could afford meat. But it doesn't really matter, I guess, 'cuz I'm still alive, and will remain so. =)
2004/06/18
Friend
. . .I hope to keep this a short post this time.
I once had a friend in highschool. Although we didn't see each other a lot, and although we were from polarly opposite social circles, we got along amiable. But then, we graduated, and though we promised to keep in touch, as all friends do, this one seems to be the only one I've managed to loose track of.
. . .I never really understood where exactly I stood with him. I wonder now if I were really his friend, or just a resource. I guess I'll never know. People do grow further apart from each other, huh. Well, wherever you are, I hope you're well.
I once had a friend in highschool. Although we didn't see each other a lot, and although we were from polarly opposite social circles, we got along amiable. But then, we graduated, and though we promised to keep in touch, as all friends do, this one seems to be the only one I've managed to loose track of.
. . .I never really understood where exactly I stood with him. I wonder now if I were really his friend, or just a resource. I guess I'll never know. People do grow further apart from each other, huh. Well, wherever you are, I hope you're well.
BLARG!!!
. . .Just 10 more minutes.. If only I had 10 more minutes, I would have gotten a perfect on my midtern. But no, instead I get to lose about 20%. Grr... 80's normally would be good, but in this particular class, I expected to do much better. stupid x^5 == 11 mod 72...
. . .I tried solving it by using indices. But clearly, that doesn't come to fruition. And it was only right after I left the classroom that it hit me; to cube both sides, since phi(72)=24, then (x^5)^5 == 11^5 => x == 11^5 mod 72, and all that would be left would be to reduce 11^5 mod 72. Grr...
. . .So frustrated right now... ...in an academic sort of way. @_@ Incidentally, I just might be starting up a webcomic of sorts. Haven't thoroughly decided yet though. I mean, comics are sooo tedious. And I'm rather impatient. Hrrmm...
. . .I tried solving it by using indices. But clearly, that doesn't come to fruition. And it was only right after I left the classroom that it hit me; to cube both sides, since phi(72)=24, then (x^5)^5 == 11^5 => x == 11^5 mod 72, and all that would be left would be to reduce 11^5 mod 72. Grr...
. . .So frustrated right now... ...in an academic sort of way. @_@ Incidentally, I just might be starting up a webcomic of sorts. Haven't thoroughly decided yet though. I mean, comics are sooo tedious. And I'm rather impatient. Hrrmm...
2004/06/17
Quote
. . .Just a couple of quotes I thought would be fun to place side-by-side.
"It ends not with a bang but with a whimper."
"I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death."
. . .The latter I got from Alex's blog. ^_^ I likes! =D If only emoticons were possible in here... ah well. Midterm tomorrow. Time to seal up my emotions again...
"It ends not with a bang but with a whimper."
"I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death."
. . .The latter I got from Alex's blog. ^_^ I likes! =D If only emoticons were possible in here... ah well. Midterm tomorrow. Time to seal up my emotions again...
Death
. . .I totally don't deserve to be here. Nevermind the christian rationale that we all don't deserve to be here because of sin, etc, but I personally don't deserve to be here in University. I feel like some commoner from the slums of Paris being brought into the Courts of Versailles. Sure I'm able to match wits with any of them, I possess the same sets of manners and etiquette, but I'll never get to attend their balls or functions because I simply don't have enough money. Dear readers already are aware of my destitution, so I shan't delve explicitly into my lack of funds. But to put things into perspective, I have $0.66 left on my student card with which to buy food on campus, and -$485.44 in my bank account, with technically $14.56 available funds remaining because of my $500 overdraft protection. Isn't life grand?
. . .I know I'm not the only one in the world who's suffering. There are countless others who have it far worse than I do. But despite the macroscopic view on life, I still sink deeper into the pit of despair. If it weren't for a certain special someone, I should by rights be dead right now. It pains me to know that that someone thinks of me as a user, and of course, I cannot help but use that person's resources for my continued survival.
. . .God, I'm such a cheap beggar. I read all these books about nobility, artistocrasy, all the grand events and lives of the people past and their elaborate systems of etiquette, tact and decorum. And what do I have to show for it? A cheap, dirty beggar. My illusions of erudition dispelled, I know not what else I can do. Except die, of course.
. . .That person doesn't even read my blog. Oh well. Nobody likes to read unhappy things anyways. Makes commenting all the more awkward, so I guess it's just as well. But in anycase, I *would* like to thank that certain someone for helping me survive. I know I'm annoying, imperfect, high-maintanence and impossible to put-up with at times, and I thank you for enduring all these faults of mine. Should God allow me to continue to live, I'll be sure to remember your kindness and return the gesture when I am able. However, as things stand right now...
. . .Death is indeed the easy way out. Why is it, then, that few of us can afford this luxury? And so, I continue to live in this half-state of awareness, fluttering between depression when I look at my life to delusion, the only release I have from these dark times and troubles.
. . .Am I a private person? Yes. Why then, am I publishing this post, for non-close friends and aquaintences to read? I suppose it's a subconcious, cheap cry for help. Not like it ever gets answered anyways. We've already successfully driven nobility to extinction and raised a new society in which only the ruthless are able to financially succeed.
. . .And unfortunately, this isn't kindergarden. I don't have the option of sitting out and refusing to play. And so, I slowly learn the rules and strategies of the game. I should think that in five or ten years I'll look back to this entry of depression and weep at my gross indulgence of emotion. I don't like being disillusioned. I like even less these days of destitution. I expect the unfolding events to convert me into a hardened man, with no dreams, aspirations or notion of charity. Perhaps whatever innocence remains will finally be slain. Afterall, what good is purity in this world?
. . .I know I'm not the only one in the world who's suffering. There are countless others who have it far worse than I do. But despite the macroscopic view on life, I still sink deeper into the pit of despair. If it weren't for a certain special someone, I should by rights be dead right now. It pains me to know that that someone thinks of me as a user, and of course, I cannot help but use that person's resources for my continued survival.
. . .God, I'm such a cheap beggar. I read all these books about nobility, artistocrasy, all the grand events and lives of the people past and their elaborate systems of etiquette, tact and decorum. And what do I have to show for it? A cheap, dirty beggar. My illusions of erudition dispelled, I know not what else I can do. Except die, of course.
. . .That person doesn't even read my blog. Oh well. Nobody likes to read unhappy things anyways. Makes commenting all the more awkward, so I guess it's just as well. But in anycase, I *would* like to thank that certain someone for helping me survive. I know I'm annoying, imperfect, high-maintanence and impossible to put-up with at times, and I thank you for enduring all these faults of mine. Should God allow me to continue to live, I'll be sure to remember your kindness and return the gesture when I am able. However, as things stand right now...
. . .Death is indeed the easy way out. Why is it, then, that few of us can afford this luxury? And so, I continue to live in this half-state of awareness, fluttering between depression when I look at my life to delusion, the only release I have from these dark times and troubles.
. . .Am I a private person? Yes. Why then, am I publishing this post, for non-close friends and aquaintences to read? I suppose it's a subconcious, cheap cry for help. Not like it ever gets answered anyways. We've already successfully driven nobility to extinction and raised a new society in which only the ruthless are able to financially succeed.
. . .And unfortunately, this isn't kindergarden. I don't have the option of sitting out and refusing to play. And so, I slowly learn the rules and strategies of the game. I should think that in five or ten years I'll look back to this entry of depression and weep at my gross indulgence of emotion. I don't like being disillusioned. I like even less these days of destitution. I expect the unfolding events to convert me into a hardened man, with no dreams, aspirations or notion of charity. Perhaps whatever innocence remains will finally be slain. Afterall, what good is purity in this world?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)