Dream

. . .Funny/interesting/non-linear dream I had this morning. ("last night", I suppose, though it's the one I had just before waking up, so...) I forget how it starts... But my family or some close friends were in this indoor swimming pool, with white marble or something. It was very fancy and there were white/blue lights at the bottom of the pool, with greek pillars lining the walls or something. Anyways, a certain female friend was in the pool, but she forgot something, so I had to go into the pool and hand it to her... but that sorta required swimming in the pool. Somehow, as soon as I touched water, I was automatically in swimming gear; my clothes disappeared leaving only me in swimming trunks.
. . .I remember thinking as I was swimming that even the shallow end of the pool was awfully deep, and the water was kinda heavy; I had to struggle to keep afloat. The waters were calm, but for some reason it didn't feel easy to stay afloat. Anyways... I swam up the the female friend, who thanked me for handing her whatever it was she needed. (A letter? goggles? I forget...)
. . .Suddenly, some guy in dark monk/chinese robes and a cloth mask with a straw wide-brimmed hat walks in from the men's change room carrying at least three or four swords angrily, as if he were looking for something (the south-west corner from the pool, where the north side of the pool is the shallow end). Anyways, I turn around and suddenly there's some older gentleman in the pool and I say to him, "protect me..." in all seriousness and panic, as if I knew that the guy in dark clothes was here to kill me...
. . .So we both go underwater so as not to be seen. And then the gentleman sorta flies up (chinese kung-fu style) and starts fighting the dark robed guy for me. I hop out (back in reg. clothes again), and run far north from the pool, around this large room (apparently, the pool was at the south-west corner of this large room). I go full circle; following the perimetre of the room CCW, seeing how many enemies there were. Apparently, my palace was being invaded by these monks from a dark sect or something, and they were trying to set up a magic circle in the middle of the room. Since I was scared, I tried sneaking past the head monk at the central-north part of the room, and successfully passed behind the altar undetected. But then I ran into one of the patrol minions at the West wall and sneaked up on him, bashing his head with an ashtray, and rendering him unconcious. I ran back to the corner where the pool was (but it wasn't there anymore), to see that the gentleman (for whom I take to be either a personal guard or close friend) had won the fight and slain the dark monk guy. I call out to him, and he grabs me by the waist, pulling me close to his side. Then with his free arm he raises his arm to the sky (sword pointed upwards) and suddenly a magic circle appears at our feet along with a column of light. He exorts a few words with conviction and confidence and suddenly we teleport away from the place, just seconds before the place goes up in flames from the magical efforts of the dark monks. Then I woke up.
. . .I rather liked that dream. I know I'm forgetting a LOT of details, but it's kinda hard to remember everything. I think I might be able to use parts (if not all) of this dream for my novel. ^___^

Expectations

. . .So the tiny lacunae at the back of my mouth are *supposed* to be there. And I thought the stitches came out too early or something. Yes. Everybody at my dentist's office has such a personality; I have too much fun when I'm there. (that is, before they start the savagery that is their business.)
. . .Going to the optometrist was kinda fun; he's not too old, and not too bad-looking either. Not that I was checking him out or anything. Aanyways...
. . .I picked out new frames for my new perscription, so come next week, some of you *might* notice something different about me. I didn't really spend that much time deciding on it -- might be because I was tired from the lack of sleep. But apparently they're brand-name frames, so I guess I should be happy. I cut my hair, which makes all the difference in the world for any Chinese adult. He's like, "well, normally I wouldn't do this, but since your son is at Waterloo, and he seems like such a neat, clean good boy, I'll give you a discount". I was like, "whoa! haha.. This guy is so cool!" Yes. Anyways...
. . .Gonna go to MV later today; hopefully I'll get to buy my 120 colour-set of prismacolor coloured pencils! ^___^ And after that I'll be going out to dinner and movie with some friends. Whee~

Variance

. . .Lots of thinking; not enough praying. I think this might just be my first post relating to religion/beliefs. Perhaps because we've been taught in school to believe that avoidance of the subject is the best solution to co-existence. On that subject I'll speak another time. (As a side note, there was a $40 or $60 book in the UW bookstore called "The History of Christianity" or something like that, Oxford press, coloured illustrations, and mammoth sized. I'll probably get it, just to know exactly what all the fuss over denominations is all about. I'm a little more informed than I let on, but I try to be conciliatory...)
. . .Anyways. Math. Can't live life without. But I cannot live life *by* it either. Fine arts? First physical passion in life, but somehow, a career that might be frowned upon. Linguistics? Somewhat respectible, but with the computer-age of instant translations... English? I'm of Oriental descent -- what could I possibly offer to the field that the Americans and British don't already have? Literature? Not well-read enough. Computers? Hate CS. Poli-sci? Dangerous field. Sciences? Lack of interest. Psychology? Lack of personal agreement.
. . .In short, whatever "promising, bright" future people once foresaw in me has been quickly reduced to a smouldering pile of rubble. At this point in life, I do'nt really feel like continuing my struggle through UW... so I should make math a minor (which should only require another 2 courses or so), and 2 terms of IS to start/finish my thesis. Then I'm out of here! Sad that it took so long. And there's still the matter of what to *do* for my thesis. Have a novel published? Collection of short stories? But that's too literary for someone of my ability. All I have is a motley vocabulary; but I don't think I exactly possess a certain eloquance of speech or thought. I suspect that may be the reason I hide behind antiquated English. (Well, aside from the fact that I find older English prettier.)
. . .*Calculates*, so, if I manage to actually stick to this plan, I should finish in december 2004. Hrrmm... if that's the case, I'd better make it a graduation with 2 minors. LoL... Since IS is technically a 3-year program (though many people are in their thesis stages much longer than a year.)

Shining Light

. . ....Piercing Bright. lol. Two things: firstly, I'd like to draw my readers' attention to a new link on the right; it's my dA site! ^_^ For those who have dA, msg me and we can critique each others' galleries! For those that don't have dA, you're still cool! Try to enjoy my lil' gallery, though I know not much is up yet. ^^;
. . .Second thing is... I'm planning on participating in a Translation Competition! So excited! It's the 5th Shizuoka International Translation Competition, and the grand prize is a million yen, a really nifty certificate, and a grant to study in Japan for a year (to further one's translation skillz, &c). We have to translate a "short story" (what I figure to be a small novel or novella/novelette), and a Criticism. Sounds kinda hard. And when I receive the package in the mail, I think I'll agree that the translation will be quite difficult. But I really would like to win (who wouldn't?). And even if I don't, it should improve my translation skills at least a little bit, as it did for that lil' Chinese translation pet project of mine. ^_^
. . .Well, that's my happy news for the day. hehe... I'm can't wait 'til I get the application package in the mail! Guh... mail from Japan to Canada should be less than 3 weeks. ;)

How Asian Am I?

Bold what applies.

1. Your mother has/had a short-haired, curly perm.
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop 99 ranch.
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars. (I drive a japanese car..)
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...."
16. You know what bok choy is.
17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February.
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors.
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean - ee - yah! or Mary - yah!).
20. You have no eyelashes.
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc...
22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner. (Not this week; can't handle solids)
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses.
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!"
31. Everyone thinks you're good at math.
32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yahs, and Wah's."
33. You like $1.75 movies.
34. You like $1.50 movies even more.
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green.
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race.
37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food.
38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
39. Your parents have never kissed you.
40. Your parents have never kissed each other.
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
49. You are taller than your parents. (only taller than one)
50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both. (But I love the piano and violin...)
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift.
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan.)
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
58. You own a rice cooker or two.
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, despite how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.

I don't like this test though. They should have a How FOB/CBC Are You? quiz instead.

F[r]iend

. . .This poem I wrote between math class, so if the rythem/rhyme is a bit off, blame it on the math. ...or better yet, blame it on the immeasurable amount of pain that I refuse to overtly express. =)

Varied though my friends may be,
N'er one had I as you.
For though I may cause mischief,
My darkness did not break through.
With Satan's craft you seduced me,
Hollow claims of love and respect.
And though I first was mov'd,
There was a lack of class and tact,
With which you oft spoke to me,
"The world is changing," thought I,
To then realize the treachery
Of your misdemeanor and lies.
Like Monsieur I once found "love"
But that was merely false,
For I now see the subtleties of your actions:
Abandonment and Ignorance.
Like he who once was Lucifer;
Heaven's Morning Star:
From my side you've warred 'gainst me
Our distance have now grown far.
I dare not claim perfection,
For mortal yet am I,
But the sins you've dealt against me
N'er canst you rectify.
It's all too clear to me now,
That which e'er you've vied
Was nothing of mine own,
But of close connexions tied.
You seek favour in one whom which
Has known me since my birth,
She whose eyes cannot penetrate
Your deceptions cloaked in mirth.
Had she e'er been your prey,
I wish'd I was not your pawn,
For though I might still have hated,
There would be no betrayal since our dawn.
Ye, whose name I shall not name
Least others know your guise,
Henceforth from me begone;
No longer can I suffer your lies.
Our time together has been fun
While your web o' illusions last',
Ne'er again shall you deceive me
For the spell of truth's been cast.
Begone from me, you hateful thing,
Enemy of all Creation!
N'er again wish I to hear from you
Least there be a fustigation.
So long, farewell, au révoir,
I banish thee from my life.
Your "help" and presence both unwanted,
Henceforth alone shall I strife.

Divided

. . .What is a friend? Many things, but most importantly, a friend is human. And therefore, prone to error. Such a simple fact, but yet it doesn't make it easier for me to forgive people who've committed grave treason against me. I've been thinking a lot on the subject recently -- particularly over the weekend (while I was dead with the pain of having my wisdom teeth yoinked out). What is a real friend? Just because I wouldn't make the same sorts of errors that they would, are there things that I do that offend them? Surely I'm not perfect. True, I have high standards. But standards differ from person to person. Just because I find something to be asymptotic to perfection doesn't mean my "friend" would.
. . .And surely no two friends are the same. Therefore, one's feelings for two friends cannot ever be completely equal. Why is it then that I feel somewhat uncomfortable when my "friend" makes an obvious preference for someone else? Is that jealousy? Such an ugly emotion... Perhaps it was wrong of me to hold my "friend" in such high esteem in the first place.
. . .Indignation. Such a favourite word of mine, and quite appropriate too, I think, for one with such a character as I have. Prone to passion, I tend to leap from one violent emotion to the next (despite the alarming lack of physical manifestation of said tendancies). Therefore, perhaps who I once thought were friends truely aren't friends. Should I just cut off all ties then? After all, they are of no relation to me, and clearly I'm of negligible importance to them.
. . .Or do I simply just demote them in my mental cosmos of friends? Which do I prefer: love or respect? Why does one preclude the other? Is it sheer idiocy on my part to think both possible in a person, or simplicity on the other party for only choosing one over the other?
. . .Granted, right now is a stressful time, with finals just around the corner and assignments due even sooner. But somehow, the events which led me to contemplate these matters weren't remotely academically related. Am I paranoid, or blind? I should be better at taking hints... To which I say to the following (unnamed) people: "farewell. It is obvious that that which I once thought was friendship between us was merely a fabrication and fantasy of my mind. As your actions would hint, I would submit to your wishes and cease all pretense of amiability. I wish you well in your life, as I hope never to see you again."
. . .It'd appear that nearly nobody reads this blog anymore anyways, so I suppose it does me little good to speak anything thoughtful. In other words, to those whom the above is directed, it is a sad parting of ways, but since we weren't really friends to begin with, I think the agony weighs more heavily on my shoulders. To those whom the above was not directed, I have naught else to say. Try to get some rest, eat well, good luck with your exams and hope to see you in April!

Blink

. . .The problem with refuting wisdom from the ancients is that eventually you'll be forced to agree with them. One such example deals with friendship. When I was younger, my [old] teachers would always say how we should cherish the time we have together, because we'd soon grow up and not see each other ever again. So logically, I thought, the trick was to maintain contact even through graduation.
. . .But apparently, I was sorely mistaken. Because no matter what I do, it is only the effort from one end -- mine. If the other party doesn't care, then naught can be done. In an Ancient Chinese classic, it says that friends will grow up together, but diverge paths in life. And I thought it simply meant that the circumstances which govern our lives cannot be controlled.
. . .But as I now recently sorely encounter, that isn't it entirely either. People change. And that statement, however recycled and cliché, rings very true for me in a much more personal way. Not only do people change metaphysically, but they also change with respect to other people. The dynamic between two people change. Perhaps that's why best friends sometimes grow up becoming each other's archenemy.
. . .Perhaps that's why youth have more passion; they're not as ready or accepting of life's circumstances than the elderly. I remember a time when I would be ready to defy any and all laws of life and nature. I once met a caterpillar, nothing remarkable, really. The larva would greedily devour its surrounding leaves, leaving only a path of death. But I still somehow ended up befriending this larva, for it was of foreign import. As time passed by, the caterpillar grew into a beautiful butterfly. But I musn't get close, for fear of crushing its wings -- they had not been dried yet, being fresh out of the cocoon. And so I waited. But then the butterfly flew to great heights, well beyond my reach, and learned of most wonderous and dreadful arts. It learned to strengthen its wings to fly better and expand it's lifespan. Perhaps now the butterfly has matured. Seeing an old friend, the butterfly flutters close by. But at first contact between wing and flesh, blood was drawn. Wings of steel now replaced that dangerously captivating pair of wings of my friend, the butterfly. Cold, hard and sharp, every touch portended death and disaster.
. . .I am but a human, made of flesh and bone. Blood runs through my veins, though not as readily as it once has. The cost of contact with my butterfly has become too high. And thus two once-great friends part ways, n'er to see each other again.
. . .Perhaps it is in this acceptance that I learn of an adult sorrow. Being grown up isn't terribly fun, is it...

Math

. . .In between internet jovilities, I think I found enough time to squeeze in some math... so I'm starting to get a vague handle on the Inverse Function Theorem. Now for the Implicit Function Theorem... Then the Lagrange Multiplier Theorem. Whee...

Sorry kids!

. . .recently I've been spending a fair amount of time at dA. And now that I have some stuff up, I guess I can't feel too wary about giving out my site url now... ^_^ check it out at: http://shadow-paladin.deviantart.com
Now I need to do some major cramming! See ya later, boys and girls!

Choice or Decision?

. . .Better is it to be extroverted and misunderstood or introverted and invisible?

D'oh!

. . .Guh... Woke up at around 1:50am. This after crashing at 7:00pm. So my sleeping schedule is still messed, but yah... it's quieter at night. =) An entire morning of math for me... whee! I guess I shouldn't blog much now; most of my assignment isn't done yet.

Demons

. . .Well, the title should be "yao guai" (any/all supernatural creatures of Oriental lore), but that somehow doesn't carry the same effect in English letters. Still not getting math; I've moved on to number 4 of my list below. I went to a 24/h snack store thingy at Shell. The guy was actually young! And I can't believe I lost my voice! I guess chatting online didn't do much for my vocal chords, eh? He was like, "is that everything?" and I tried saying yes, but after realizing that I couldn't speak, I just nodded. He probably thought I was a bit strange... but when he asked whether I wanted a recipt, I asked for a bag... or tried to. :( he guessed it though. :D So yah... and he wished me a good night. haha... Now there's some small-town service that I can live with ~^_^~ (unlike the pissy service afforded at the Harvey's in the plaza...)
. . .I guess you could consider this to be an all-nighter, though I stocked up on sleep the afternoon prior, so not sure how it counts on a technicality... But yah... this room needs to be cleaned, and my papers need to be written.

Added 6:30am
. . .Found a counterexample to something I was supposed to prove... spent too much time making sure I didn't mess up definitions/go crazy. Started to clean my room... There's a lot of plastic bags in here... ... And now that I organize my stuff, it appears that I really don't have that many possessions... I'm just very good at spacing it all out. LoL... I really need a bookshelf. My books (which by now are many) sorta line the wall on the floor... Good books should never be on the floor! :( Cleaning my room (i.e. moving around) helped wake me up a bit; and the sky is turning light again. tonight was pretty fun. At around noon, I would have been up for 14 hours... so it would be healthy to go to bed at mid-afternoon... (would I still be experiencing jetlag if I suddenly forced myself to live by an opposing timezone?) And eeeeww.... so much garbage... I won't go into detail... it's embarrassing, really... But yah... Now I have so much floorspace... and no carpet... :(

Added 6:16pm
. . .Just shy of 4 hours left 'til I've been up for a whole 24 hours!! Kinda exciting, really; never been awake for that long since CWSA... I guess no sleep during one's youth really does take it's toll, eh? Not making any major headway with the math, but at least I now sorta know how to do the damned second question. Turns out I was wrong about the counting thing. Counting edges just became that much more humane! :D

O'ertaken

. . .The invasion, though passive at first, is now waging war at full throttle! I barely have enough resources to operate within the boundaries of this seige. My ability to focus wanes, and I also have trouble articulating, nevermind the runny nose, nausia, hot and cold flashes, etc... But having taken the day off, I'm now taking advantage of what remains of my morning to work on my Combinatorics assignment, due Friday!!!! (ahh!!)
. . .Got my calc. assignment back today... and I got 84% on it!!!! I was soo shocked when I first saw my assignment... I couldn't believe it! I failed my midterm, was maintaining an ~66% for assignments, but now my first 80 in calc! Whoa... I guess that was the highlight of my day.
. . .Things left to do 'til friday:
1. Quell invading forces (the probasive alien virus)
2. Complete Combinatorics Assignment
3. Clean room (for prospective future subletters)
4. Finish waaaaaay overdue essays
5. Get at least half of last calc. assignment done.
In that order, even... I think... Right. Well, off I go to start my combinatorics assignment.... Guhh.... graph theory!?!? Whee... (Why can't I ever focus??? I blame internet. :P)

Added 11:40pm
. . .Woke up at 10:00pm... I think I crashed sometime in the mid-afternoon... My roommates were still around when I slept, so somewhere around 2~3pm? Yah... I think I have an entire evening to learn combinatorics. My illness is really escalating... Not fun at all. Not getting anywhere in my combinatorics assignment. That's not fun either. :'( And just when calc was getting better too...

Higher Arithmetic

. . .Doesn't that sound more friendly than "Number Theory"? It's all in the nomenclature~ (lol) I *was* enjoying my Multivarible Calculus (intimidating name, isn't it) until I hit question 5 of my assignment due tomorrow. I don't get it!! What does it mean for a function (partial derivative) to be "vanishing"? That it equals zero? Or that it's screaming off the page (i.e. shooting off into pos. or neg. infinity)? Grr... Should I even bother to study today for stats quiz tomorrow? Or just figure that I'll do good on the final exam? That class is such a joke...
. . .Meanwhile, my throat is still hurting... I'm trying to drink some water, but that doesn't seem to be helping too much... At least it's getting some more water vapours in the air... so dry here! Me skin is crackin'! k, well, not *that* bad, but bad enough. Anywhoo... back to math...

Added 4:38pm
. . .Still didn't get question 5 of my calc. assignment. But I got the bonus instead, so hopefully that'll balance things out. It's not yet 5:00pm yet... I have a whole 7 hours to... study? I guess now'd be the perfect time to work on those overdue essays... Oh yah... the most hilarious, interesting, and semi-intelligent game: http://www.medianetjapan.com/2/19/entertainment/grow/
The idea is to "max" every item; as you place items in different orders, you'll see that certain items will affect other items. And just have fun! The thing took me quite some time to fool around with (waiting for animations to play out, plus calc, plus chatting, it took me about an hour. :S) But it was really cool. I'm now trying to see if there's more than one possible solution. =)
. . .Oh yah.. I got my combinatorics midterm back. I technically failed, but with the adjustment, I ended up with an 80%! that's a passing mark! w00t! =)

Pain and Pleasure

. . .No pleasure in this equation though. Every time I swallow, it hurts. I think my throat is inflamed or something. I'd be drinking honey-water right about now, if only I knew where the honey was... (Do we even have honey in this apartment? Hrmm..) I have 2 days to finish my calc assignment *and* cram for my stats quiz. Assuming I want to bother. And then I have 'til friday to finish 3 essays. On top of the Combinatorics and German which no doubt I'll also have to work on. Looks like I'll actually be working full-time for once during my days off on Tuesday and Thursday. And looking forward to next term? Not really...
. . .I thought University was supposed to be fun! But then again, I learned from an early age that what applies to most people most typically doesn't apply to me. (Living on campus the first term with a roommate might have been fine for most people, but it breached on the borders of Hell for me.)
. . .I can't believe that I actually woke up without my alarm clock this morning! Somehow, I "knew" that it was 7:00am. Either something subconciously woke me, or... But then again, I went to bed earlier than normal... (around 12:30 or so? ...as opposed to the regular 1:30+)
. . .Owww.... even yawning hurts... I think it's from a desperate lack of moisture in this room... it's soo dry... I should have buckets of water in here to normalize the room. And I have class at 8:30am.. whee...

Added 1:49pm
. . .The human body is truely a wonderous thing. My body just produced something from somewhere in a form I've never encountered before! (Assuredly, the place of production was north of the equator.) But ehh... yah.... I'd rather not speculate what it is exactly, or what it used to be.

Discovery!

. . . YAY!!!! I finally found my other pair of white pants. ^___^ Now all I need is a certain blue fabric and I can start editing... Guhh... didn't get as much work as I had hoped this weekend. But I did finish my German assignment, and I found my mound of Japanese-language research resources. Now, if only I could cram for my other subjects... I've already forgotten my final exam schedule... And also trying to figure out what exactly I'll be doing next term.

Frustration!

. . .Talk about a weird dream... I dreamed this melody (probably as a result of the assortment of musical strangeness I subjected myself to last night) -- very j-pop... but the lyrics were christian... (even though they were in Japanese... lol). And now I can only remember the chorus... which kinda stinks... so I guess I'll have to hire a hypnotist to help me remember the rest of the song, eh? lol.

Added 3:31pm
. . .MORE frustration! My precious encyclopædia set was GIVEN away curtesy of my beloved parents. It appears my family enemies aren't the only surly chinese people around... It was Britannica too!!!! granted, it was from 1989 or something, but still! They were supposed to be mine! And now my amoral backstabbing antispawn have decided to freely give away yet another precious thing of mine... ... Am I supposed to be amused? God must be laughing in Heaven...
. . .On the other hand, I'm beginning to see what my once-dear friend meant by saying that I had high standards... ... ... though personally, I don't think it's unreasonable of me to expect people NOT to give away something that isn't theirs to give...

Farewell

All our days are numbered, even more so the moth. In his few precious hours of life, he is born, grows wings, dances in the sky and dies. Such is the way of life and nature. And yet, sadly, the moth knows not his own significance or effect. He would blindly fly into an open flame were he loved most dearly by another. But such is the idiocy of the world, from which all hope to find an exit.
Good-bye, fair world! N'er shall we meet again.

Muse

. . .Consider, for a moment, the naturality and ease with which you speak. From diction to intonation, from grammar to jest, all these things are a still irreproducible mechanical feat, and yet the God-given facilities of man allows each and every one of us to speak with fluency and grace.
. . .Consider, then, Thought. The birthright of man which sets him above all mortal creatures, a living, palpable legacy of our divine origin. Whither else on God's green earth can such capacity for imagination or malice be sought? But what, ask I, is Thought? When one thinks, does one voice oneself in one's mind; concentrating every idea into a finite string of hard words? Or is this divine faculty more transcendental in nature, of which we could never hope to comprehend? It has been said by some of fanciful authority that true thoughts are only those which may be solidified into comprehensible language. But language itself is always changing, and as our history has perpetually proven, our habits and preferences are as fickle as nature herself.
. . .To which I am no exception. In my recent past have both friend and foe remarked on an unnatural change which had occured in me from the poisonous vapours of death which fills the aether of this dreadful town of "erudition". With great alacrity did I hurry to preserve and protect my once notable mastery of the English language -- of which was no small feat for one of foreign birth, such as myself. How damning it was, to see, live and know that modern science no longer held its reasoning, and higher learning had now come at the cost of one's soul. Regardless, I pressed forward, seeking intelligent conversation where I could and fell back on the classics of a past era, which, no doubt, lent to my aniquated handle of the language.
. . .Which leads me to the present. As one should have hoped to see, the writings of this article prove different in both tone and diction from previous entries. And yet, this other dialect of English comes just as naturally. But is this naturalness a subconcious echo of one's affections, as the unsightly, unhygenic Japanophile seeks to sprinkle his conversation with Japanese expletives, or the American Anglomaniac who attempts to affect an English accent? And yet there are those who speak thus with perfect validity and justification. What, therefore, is natural speech?
. . .Anthropologists, Linguists and other professions who claim to hold intellectual authority on this matter would argue that speech itself is unnatural, as "logic" would have us believe? What then of love or honour? Surely emotion too much have its significance, for residing so closely to our analytical nature. But I shall refrain from that exploration for another time, perhaps. Regardless, the popular and official notion is that speech itself is unnatural.
. . .And, of course, one would also consider the writing of a language when one considers speech. And while it may be erroneous to consider the two interrelated -- speech and writing, it does hold equally fascinating exploration in the cognitive sciences. And as both are regarded as equally unnatural, it begs to question why a concious edition in one is less accepted than in the other. How is it that a practised and polished hand receives more praise than a practised and polished tongue?
. . .To that end, why is it that one speech form is considered more metaphysically real than the other? Take for example my present voice, which I'm assured all readers find both superfluous and unnatural. It begs to question whether this tone is more thought-provoking because of the ideas contained therein, or if more thought is required simply because it is necessary to decipher the cryptography inherent in this body of text. I muse aside that it may have been to the latter that we found a relative retardation in the development of science during those times past. Would that the exploration of science were so poetic as it once was.
. . .I write today neither with conviction nor conclusion, but rather with exploration. Aptly titled, I truely only wish to present these thoughts which have sat with me for the past little while. And while I would look twice at those who find my language pretentious, I cannot help but be who I am. While this recent "trend" may well be an echo of my rigorous travels of the literary jungle, the zeal with which I have yet to display in my classes, I should hope that one finds this change as readily acceptable as the change one might adopt in one's penmanship. Additionally might I add that in this text have I also hoped to provide, by means of example, a form of English which while may contain some sesquipedalian diction, does nevertheless refrain from the awkwardness of scientific dissection to which I hope ne'er to fall. Inspired also by those apt youth who would seek to speak with more erudition, would I pray that they find a voice which exudes more their personality than a false veil of intelligence. Impressive though one's diction may be, the ease and manner in which one speaks easily betrays one's upbringing and literary intellect. Therefore would I end with my humble advice: Explore ever freely every facet of English, but be not so quick to employ them.

Doppel Sigma

. . .I'm totally not getting this double sigma notation thing... I mean, it's like a loop within a loop, right? so there should be some binomial co-efficient to get rid of the inner sigma? but the co-efficient would depend on the variable of the inner sigma, which makes the resultant co-efficient squared?! Guhh.... Math... not... going... in...
. . .Combinatorics midterm at 4:30pm today... whee! ...On enumeration/generating series. Really interesting and fun stuff... at least, at lot more than calc. LoL...

Weekend Minutes

. . .Gonna blog about my weekend... hopefully lift me from whatever ill-mood I'm in right now.
. . .So on Friday evening, which started at about 10:00pm, shells picked up Ally, my sister and myself to go to DQ to meet up with two other people -- s_n(Silver_Night) and Jö. So we waited around DQ for a while ere calling Jö on his cellphone... apparently he was right there with us... ...turning around, we see him on the other side of the parking lot, running towards a car -- whose we thought it to be s_n. ...instead, as we later found out, he mistook that car to be shells' car... ... opening the passenger door, he pokes his head in to see not-shelly turn around and yelp. Ah, such a silly boy... trying to get rides from strangers...
. . .Anyways, DQ was closed, so we had to think of something else to do... we decided on 168 -- a bbt shop near my condo. So the six of us were seated at a 4-person table... kinda not cool, but anyways... Chatted about the most obscure of things, such as the negative nexus that is Waterloo, or lamanting about how we tricked each other into ordering some rather exotic flavours.
. . .After 168, we drove Ally home, then continued the chat in my living room. This lasted 'til s_n decided that he should have been leaving soon, as he needed his rest. And then there were the four of us. The "default four" I suppose one could say. Me, Shells, my sis and Jö. Shells crashed and slept on the couch, remembering first to take out her contacts. (thankfully.) The three of us continued to chat 'til around 3:00am, after which time, my lil' blanket incident mentioned below occured. TV auto-woke us at 8:00, though Jö continued to sleep. I had to be up and running since I had a dental appointment at 10:30am. Got my teeth cleaned! It was painful. The stupid wire in my inner mid-lower jaw made her dig her instruments into my gums... there was a bit of pain, and my tongue imagined feeling some scars... ... Apparently I need to take out one of my wisdom teeth, but why take out one when you can take out four, right? And so this friday I'm scheduled to have some weeping and gnashing of teeth of mine own...
. . .Got back home at around 11:30am, had a sort of breakfast, then Shells drove the three of us to Jö's place (my sis had to prepare for a job interview). Shelly made lunch for the two of them (I wasn't hungry), then proceeded to try to have a study party. Shelly tried studying for an hour before crashing on Jö's couch, while Jö worked on his programming as I studied for my midterm (tomorrow). At around 6:00pm, we played Kirby's something adventure something on the classical nintendo. Jö's mother and sister walk in out of nowhere and sorta motivated us to go out and do some other stuff... ... and so we did. Picked up my sis, then went to Snowflake's place to pick her up. the five of us sat in Snowflake's driveway for a good 15 minutes trying to decide where to go for dinner... Finally picked this place faar from all of us, on the outskirts of our classical municipality.
. . .2~3 CBC's and 2~3 2nd-degree CBC's at a chinese restaurant makes for an interesting episode of ordering food. 2nd-degree CBC's are basically people of Chinese descent who immigrated to Canada in their early youth. We were soo FULL after it all... Thankfully it wasn't terribly expensive.. I think we each ended up spending less than $10... haha.. yah... the stereotypical stingy Chinese university students...
. . .Afterwards we picked up Steve (making another 6 people in a 5-person car), and went to DQ for ice-cream. (this being after 5 of us were horribly full... we're just a brilliant bunch of brainiacs, eh?) Cramming glob after glob of frozen sugar down our throats, we eventually headed back to...... my place again! chatting in my living room again 'til around midnight, when we had to drive Snowflake back -- she had a class the next morning at 9:00am... talk about ewww!! After driving her back we then drove Steve back... ... and then Jö. He didn't want to sleep over 2 nights in a row... lol.
. . .The next morning (sunday) Shells and I went to our home church while my sis went to her new church. Met some new people, chatted with some children. Apparently, I'm a quiet resemblance of some girl in highschool... Strange, quite. And drove off for Uni after lunch. Shells knows how to drive now! I'm so proud. The distance between Guelph and Waterloo is finally its proper 20 minutes instead of the erroneous 40+ minutes. ... Just to later discover that in my haste I forgot to bring my toiletries! Luckily I had a spare set of contact solution and case, but I had to go out and buy another tube of toothpaste and toothbrush. That's another $3~4 down the drain. At that time, I was horribly destitute with a bank balance of ~$-55.00. That was fun.
. . .And now today. OSAP finally came in! So my financial worries for this term are over! My bank balance isn't a negative number anymore! And my roommate is happy that I paid my rent! Happiness all around! Yaaaaaaaay............................

Full Circle

. . .Got two midterms back today... guhh... did so horribly... ... trying not to think about it, but sorta forced to cuz I still have finals to look forwards to... (and also that Intro. to Combinatorics midterm tomorrow...) So I suspect I should actually study everyday... ...afterall, I *am* in school, right? No time to be living... ...despite being in our youth and our prime... ... not that I have anything against society at large, but I'll save that for a carefully worded and well thought-out essay.
. . .It's really forced me to rethink my lil' plan... After all, it's one thing to finish what one sets out to do, but another to change according to the situation. I'm not sure if I'd rather be diligent or intelligent, but either way, I can't be fence-sitting on this issue. I guess I'll try my hardest this term, and decide where to go from there. Maybe I should even take a term off school and really just think about what I want to do...
. . .The disadvantage of having many interests, eh? ...And having Chinese parents. Never sure what'd be good for both appearances and personal satisfaction. Hrrmmm....................