Dream

. . .Funny/interesting/non-linear dream I had this morning. ("last night", I suppose, though it's the one I had just before waking up, so...) I forget how it starts... But my family or some close friends were in this indoor swimming pool, with white marble or something. It was very fancy and there were white/blue lights at the bottom of the pool, with greek pillars lining the walls or something. Anyways, a certain female friend was in the pool, but she forgot something, so I had to go into the pool and hand it to her... but that sorta required swimming in the pool. Somehow, as soon as I touched water, I was automatically in swimming gear; my clothes disappeared leaving only me in swimming trunks.
. . .I remember thinking as I was swimming that even the shallow end of the pool was awfully deep, and the water was kinda heavy; I had to struggle to keep afloat. The waters were calm, but for some reason it didn't feel easy to stay afloat. Anyways... I swam up the the female friend, who thanked me for handing her whatever it was she needed. (A letter? goggles? I forget...)
. . .Suddenly, some guy in dark monk/chinese robes and a cloth mask with a straw wide-brimmed hat walks in from the men's change room carrying at least three or four swords angrily, as if he were looking for something (the south-west corner from the pool, where the north side of the pool is the shallow end). Anyways, I turn around and suddenly there's some older gentleman in the pool and I say to him, "protect me..." in all seriousness and panic, as if I knew that the guy in dark clothes was here to kill me...
. . .So we both go underwater so as not to be seen. And then the gentleman sorta flies up (chinese kung-fu style) and starts fighting the dark robed guy for me. I hop out (back in reg. clothes again), and run far north from the pool, around this large room (apparently, the pool was at the south-west corner of this large room). I go full circle; following the perimetre of the room CCW, seeing how many enemies there were. Apparently, my palace was being invaded by these monks from a dark sect or something, and they were trying to set up a magic circle in the middle of the room. Since I was scared, I tried sneaking past the head monk at the central-north part of the room, and successfully passed behind the altar undetected. But then I ran into one of the patrol minions at the West wall and sneaked up on him, bashing his head with an ashtray, and rendering him unconcious. I ran back to the corner where the pool was (but it wasn't there anymore), to see that the gentleman (for whom I take to be either a personal guard or close friend) had won the fight and slain the dark monk guy. I call out to him, and he grabs me by the waist, pulling me close to his side. Then with his free arm he raises his arm to the sky (sword pointed upwards) and suddenly a magic circle appears at our feet along with a column of light. He exorts a few words with conviction and confidence and suddenly we teleport away from the place, just seconds before the place goes up in flames from the magical efforts of the dark monks. Then I woke up.
. . .I rather liked that dream. I know I'm forgetting a LOT of details, but it's kinda hard to remember everything. I think I might be able to use parts (if not all) of this dream for my novel. ^___^

Expectations

. . .So the tiny lacunae at the back of my mouth are *supposed* to be there. And I thought the stitches came out too early or something. Yes. Everybody at my dentist's office has such a personality; I have too much fun when I'm there. (that is, before they start the savagery that is their business.)
. . .Going to the optometrist was kinda fun; he's not too old, and not too bad-looking either. Not that I was checking him out or anything. Aanyways...
. . .I picked out new frames for my new perscription, so come next week, some of you *might* notice something different about me. I didn't really spend that much time deciding on it -- might be because I was tired from the lack of sleep. But apparently they're brand-name frames, so I guess I should be happy. I cut my hair, which makes all the difference in the world for any Chinese adult. He's like, "well, normally I wouldn't do this, but since your son is at Waterloo, and he seems like such a neat, clean good boy, I'll give you a discount". I was like, "whoa! haha.. This guy is so cool!" Yes. Anyways...
. . .Gonna go to MV later today; hopefully I'll get to buy my 120 colour-set of prismacolor coloured pencils! ^___^ And after that I'll be going out to dinner and movie with some friends. Whee~

Variance

. . .Lots of thinking; not enough praying. I think this might just be my first post relating to religion/beliefs. Perhaps because we've been taught in school to believe that avoidance of the subject is the best solution to co-existence. On that subject I'll speak another time. (As a side note, there was a $40 or $60 book in the UW bookstore called "The History of Christianity" or something like that, Oxford press, coloured illustrations, and mammoth sized. I'll probably get it, just to know exactly what all the fuss over denominations is all about. I'm a little more informed than I let on, but I try to be conciliatory...)
. . .Anyways. Math. Can't live life without. But I cannot live life *by* it either. Fine arts? First physical passion in life, but somehow, a career that might be frowned upon. Linguistics? Somewhat respectible, but with the computer-age of instant translations... English? I'm of Oriental descent -- what could I possibly offer to the field that the Americans and British don't already have? Literature? Not well-read enough. Computers? Hate CS. Poli-sci? Dangerous field. Sciences? Lack of interest. Psychology? Lack of personal agreement.
. . .In short, whatever "promising, bright" future people once foresaw in me has been quickly reduced to a smouldering pile of rubble. At this point in life, I do'nt really feel like continuing my struggle through UW... so I should make math a minor (which should only require another 2 courses or so), and 2 terms of IS to start/finish my thesis. Then I'm out of here! Sad that it took so long. And there's still the matter of what to *do* for my thesis. Have a novel published? Collection of short stories? But that's too literary for someone of my ability. All I have is a motley vocabulary; but I don't think I exactly possess a certain eloquance of speech or thought. I suspect that may be the reason I hide behind antiquated English. (Well, aside from the fact that I find older English prettier.)
. . .*Calculates*, so, if I manage to actually stick to this plan, I should finish in december 2004. Hrrmm... if that's the case, I'd better make it a graduation with 2 minors. LoL... Since IS is technically a 3-year program (though many people are in their thesis stages much longer than a year.)

Shining Light

. . ....Piercing Bright. lol. Two things: firstly, I'd like to draw my readers' attention to a new link on the right; it's my dA site! ^_^ For those who have dA, msg me and we can critique each others' galleries! For those that don't have dA, you're still cool! Try to enjoy my lil' gallery, though I know not much is up yet. ^^;
. . .Second thing is... I'm planning on participating in a Translation Competition! So excited! It's the 5th Shizuoka International Translation Competition, and the grand prize is a million yen, a really nifty certificate, and a grant to study in Japan for a year (to further one's translation skillz, &c). We have to translate a "short story" (what I figure to be a small novel or novella/novelette), and a Criticism. Sounds kinda hard. And when I receive the package in the mail, I think I'll agree that the translation will be quite difficult. But I really would like to win (who wouldn't?). And even if I don't, it should improve my translation skills at least a little bit, as it did for that lil' Chinese translation pet project of mine. ^_^
. . .Well, that's my happy news for the day. hehe... I'm can't wait 'til I get the application package in the mail! Guh... mail from Japan to Canada should be less than 3 weeks. ;)

How Asian Am I?

Bold what applies.

1. Your mother has/had a short-haired, curly perm.
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop 99 ranch.
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars. (I drive a japanese car..)
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...."
16. You know what bok choy is.
17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February.
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors.
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean - ee - yah! or Mary - yah!).
20. You have no eyelashes.
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc...
22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner. (Not this week; can't handle solids)
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses.
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!"
31. Everyone thinks you're good at math.
32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yahs, and Wah's."
33. You like $1.75 movies.
34. You like $1.50 movies even more.
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green.
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race.
37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food.
38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
39. Your parents have never kissed you.
40. Your parents have never kissed each other.
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
49. You are taller than your parents. (only taller than one)
50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both. (But I love the piano and violin...)
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift.
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan.)
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
58. You own a rice cooker or two.
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, despite how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.

I don't like this test though. They should have a How FOB/CBC Are You? quiz instead.

F[r]iend

. . .This poem I wrote between math class, so if the rythem/rhyme is a bit off, blame it on the math. ...or better yet, blame it on the immeasurable amount of pain that I refuse to overtly express. =)

Varied though my friends may be,
N'er one had I as you.
For though I may cause mischief,
My darkness did not break through.
With Satan's craft you seduced me,
Hollow claims of love and respect.
And though I first was mov'd,
There was a lack of class and tact,
With which you oft spoke to me,
"The world is changing," thought I,
To then realize the treachery
Of your misdemeanor and lies.
Like Monsieur I once found "love"
But that was merely false,
For I now see the subtleties of your actions:
Abandonment and Ignorance.
Like he who once was Lucifer;
Heaven's Morning Star:
From my side you've warred 'gainst me
Our distance have now grown far.
I dare not claim perfection,
For mortal yet am I,
But the sins you've dealt against me
N'er canst you rectify.
It's all too clear to me now,
That which e'er you've vied
Was nothing of mine own,
But of close connexions tied.
You seek favour in one whom which
Has known me since my birth,
She whose eyes cannot penetrate
Your deceptions cloaked in mirth.
Had she e'er been your prey,
I wish'd I was not your pawn,
For though I might still have hated,
There would be no betrayal since our dawn.
Ye, whose name I shall not name
Least others know your guise,
Henceforth from me begone;
No longer can I suffer your lies.
Our time together has been fun
While your web o' illusions last',
Ne'er again shall you deceive me
For the spell of truth's been cast.
Begone from me, you hateful thing,
Enemy of all Creation!
N'er again wish I to hear from you
Least there be a fustigation.
So long, farewell, au révoir,
I banish thee from my life.
Your "help" and presence both unwanted,
Henceforth alone shall I strife.

Divided

. . .What is a friend? Many things, but most importantly, a friend is human. And therefore, prone to error. Such a simple fact, but yet it doesn't make it easier for me to forgive people who've committed grave treason against me. I've been thinking a lot on the subject recently -- particularly over the weekend (while I was dead with the pain of having my wisdom teeth yoinked out). What is a real friend? Just because I wouldn't make the same sorts of errors that they would, are there things that I do that offend them? Surely I'm not perfect. True, I have high standards. But standards differ from person to person. Just because I find something to be asymptotic to perfection doesn't mean my "friend" would.
. . .And surely no two friends are the same. Therefore, one's feelings for two friends cannot ever be completely equal. Why is it then that I feel somewhat uncomfortable when my "friend" makes an obvious preference for someone else? Is that jealousy? Such an ugly emotion... Perhaps it was wrong of me to hold my "friend" in such high esteem in the first place.
. . .Indignation. Such a favourite word of mine, and quite appropriate too, I think, for one with such a character as I have. Prone to passion, I tend to leap from one violent emotion to the next (despite the alarming lack of physical manifestation of said tendancies). Therefore, perhaps who I once thought were friends truely aren't friends. Should I just cut off all ties then? After all, they are of no relation to me, and clearly I'm of negligible importance to them.
. . .Or do I simply just demote them in my mental cosmos of friends? Which do I prefer: love or respect? Why does one preclude the other? Is it sheer idiocy on my part to think both possible in a person, or simplicity on the other party for only choosing one over the other?
. . .Granted, right now is a stressful time, with finals just around the corner and assignments due even sooner. But somehow, the events which led me to contemplate these matters weren't remotely academically related. Am I paranoid, or blind? I should be better at taking hints... To which I say to the following (unnamed) people: "farewell. It is obvious that that which I once thought was friendship between us was merely a fabrication and fantasy of my mind. As your actions would hint, I would submit to your wishes and cease all pretense of amiability. I wish you well in your life, as I hope never to see you again."
. . .It'd appear that nearly nobody reads this blog anymore anyways, so I suppose it does me little good to speak anything thoughtful. In other words, to those whom the above is directed, it is a sad parting of ways, but since we weren't really friends to begin with, I think the agony weighs more heavily on my shoulders. To those whom the above was not directed, I have naught else to say. Try to get some rest, eat well, good luck with your exams and hope to see you in April!

Blink

. . .The problem with refuting wisdom from the ancients is that eventually you'll be forced to agree with them. One such example deals with friendship. When I was younger, my [old] teachers would always say how we should cherish the time we have together, because we'd soon grow up and not see each other ever again. So logically, I thought, the trick was to maintain contact even through graduation.
. . .But apparently, I was sorely mistaken. Because no matter what I do, it is only the effort from one end -- mine. If the other party doesn't care, then naught can be done. In an Ancient Chinese classic, it says that friends will grow up together, but diverge paths in life. And I thought it simply meant that the circumstances which govern our lives cannot be controlled.
. . .But as I now recently sorely encounter, that isn't it entirely either. People change. And that statement, however recycled and cliché, rings very true for me in a much more personal way. Not only do people change metaphysically, but they also change with respect to other people. The dynamic between two people change. Perhaps that's why best friends sometimes grow up becoming each other's archenemy.
. . .Perhaps that's why youth have more passion; they're not as ready or accepting of life's circumstances than the elderly. I remember a time when I would be ready to defy any and all laws of life and nature. I once met a caterpillar, nothing remarkable, really. The larva would greedily devour its surrounding leaves, leaving only a path of death. But I still somehow ended up befriending this larva, for it was of foreign import. As time passed by, the caterpillar grew into a beautiful butterfly. But I musn't get close, for fear of crushing its wings -- they had not been dried yet, being fresh out of the cocoon. And so I waited. But then the butterfly flew to great heights, well beyond my reach, and learned of most wonderous and dreadful arts. It learned to strengthen its wings to fly better and expand it's lifespan. Perhaps now the butterfly has matured. Seeing an old friend, the butterfly flutters close by. But at first contact between wing and flesh, blood was drawn. Wings of steel now replaced that dangerously captivating pair of wings of my friend, the butterfly. Cold, hard and sharp, every touch portended death and disaster.
. . .I am but a human, made of flesh and bone. Blood runs through my veins, though not as readily as it once has. The cost of contact with my butterfly has become too high. And thus two once-great friends part ways, n'er to see each other again.
. . .Perhaps it is in this acceptance that I learn of an adult sorrow. Being grown up isn't terribly fun, is it...

Math

. . .In between internet jovilities, I think I found enough time to squeeze in some math... so I'm starting to get a vague handle on the Inverse Function Theorem. Now for the Implicit Function Theorem... Then the Lagrange Multiplier Theorem. Whee...

Sorry kids!

. . .recently I've been spending a fair amount of time at dA. And now that I have some stuff up, I guess I can't feel too wary about giving out my site url now... ^_^ check it out at: http://shadow-paladin.deviantart.com
Now I need to do some major cramming! See ya later, boys and girls!